The Tale of the Onion Sandwich – events 2

So there I was, having visited Moreton School in Wolverhampton (during which visit, unlikely though it sounds, I felt like Andy Murray after at match on Centre Court (see why here))… That evening, I had another event to go to. But first there was some time to fill – a few hours spare. The lovely people at Templar had arranged for me and my equally lovely helper, Liz Scott, to spend said hours at a hotel. It's these things that make a lot of difference – the thought that's put into how you will spend a few hours between events, the care taken to make sure someone is there to look after you, and that the designated place – the hotel in this case – is in a sensible location given where you've been and where you're going next. Considering that I have no sense of direction and couldn't find my own way out of a paper bag, as they say, I need this level of organisation, even with a satnav stuck to my windscreen. There is only so much that gadgets can do.

Lisa Johnson from Wolverhampton Waterstone's looked fantastic!

There we were, then. It was all going so well. Liz and I were relaxing in the lounge of the hotel, chatting, checking our emails, and mostly ignoring the Parliament Channel on TV. But then I made an error. An error that I would like to warn all authors out there against making. I have learnt from it and will never make the same mistake again. But I would like to think that I could save others from having to learn from experience. Actually, you, gentle reader, are no doubt far too sensible to do this in the first place.

My error was this: I chose from the bar menu the toasted panini with mozzarella, red onion and tomato. Sounded good. Sounded healthy. Was delicious. But, oh, my word – the onions!

I was lucky enough, that evening, to have been invited to speak to the Wolverhampton FCBG group.

The cakes were a triumph!

It was a fantastic occasion. Lisa Wharton, the Wolverhampton FCBG Secretary, was wonderfully welcoming and had organised everything perfectly. The atmosphere was so friendly, the audience so interested. Someone – please identify yourselves if you're reading this! – had made Tudor rose cupcakes. And Lisa Johnson from Wolverhampton Waterstone's was even keeping me company in costume!

For me, the entire evening was delightful. It's everyone else I'm a bit concerned about. Despite wearing my Tudor outfit, I rattled with strong mints in a most anachronistic way. I only hope that Henry VIII will not now be, for everyone present, forever associated with the aroma of onions…

Signing a book for a lovely English teacher who came to the Wolverhampton CBG meeting. She may, sensible lady, be keeping her distance. Or not breathing in.