Real Life Diagnostics: What Do You Think About the Voice in This Scene?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 15.

This week’s questions:

1. Which point-of-view and tense should I choose, in your opinion?

2. What do you think about the voice in this scene?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…
Continue ReadingWritten by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com