NOT EVERYONE IS HIM

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Can inconsistency be a trauma?

The way he said he loved me

The way his eyes devoured me

How his hands moved over me

I remember feeling so high

Destination cloud nine please

He did everything right

Made me lemon squares

Opened my doors for me

Dressed up to take me out

“Let’s just drive around

I don’t want to share you”

Sincere smile

Holds my hand

I totally believed him…his lies

I look back now

And I can’t reconcile

The person he was

With the person he became

His intention was rape and

The last door he opened

Landed me on the ground

Dumped like a bin for trash day

And… he was gone

Mostly

He still visits me

Everytime someone compliments me

Everytime I catch inconsistecy

My heart pumps adrenaline

Fearing the very worst

Not one part of me can handle

That kind if inconsistency again

And I have had to repeat

a million times or more

not everyone is him

Healing is a journey. There isn’t a place where you’ll be able to stop and say “Hey look I made it. I’m done.”

Once there is trauma it is with you forever. But just like a physical scar an emotional one can become smoother and lighter. The trauma of a loved one dying. The trauma of abuse. The trauma of a disaster. The trauma of disease.

I read a post the other day that upset me quite a bit. The man said (of a young girls trauma) how absurd and ridiculous her suicide was since she had only been raped a few times. How she should have been able to get over that and that he would have gladly traded places and been raped a dozen times over instead of what he was currently going through.

I don’t know what his current situation is. I won’t assume. But we can’t compare traumas between us. We are all healing from something. All of us. And there is no “getting over” trauma.

We can learn to cope. We can learn to not hurt others. But trauma is unpredictable. There is no “getting over” trauma.