The Fiver | Telling Half-fit Harry to sit quietly on the bench and like it

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On Thursday evening, at the Estádio D. Afonso Henriques in Guimarães, England will resume their quest to join Argentina, the Soviet Union, Uruguay, Egypt, Uruguay again, South Korea, New Zealand, the USA! USA!! USA!!!, Costa Rica and, er, Great Britain in the pantheon of countries to have won the inaugural staging of a major international tournament. We of course refer to the first winners of the Confederations Cup, the Euros, the World Cup, the African Nations Cup, the Copa América, the Asian Nations Cup, the Oceania Cup, the Gold Cup, the CCCF Cup and the Big Sports Day, and yes, if you were to push us, we’d agree that inaugural champions isn’t really a thing, but The Fiver’s written them all down now so there they are. Anyway, England just need to beat the Netherlands, then Portugal on Sunday, and the brand-spanking-new Uefa Nations League will be theirs! What a glorious nation! What a green and pleasant land! Brexit, please!

Related: Violent England fans an embarrassment to the team and not welcome, says FA

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