Mr. Rogers On Love, Acceptance, and Overcoming Despair

Fred Rogers created 900 episodes during the thirty years his
show, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, was on the air. He wrote the story, the
dialog, and the songs to every single episode. He was a man on a mission. It is
a fair statement to say that this man had a personal ministry: to let each
child know that “I like you just the way you are,” and to let each child know
that “you are special.” His book, You Are Special: Words of Wisdom for All
Ages from a Beloved Neighbor is a compilation of his songs, newspaper
columns, speeches, books, and his television program.

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He writes, “I care deeply about communication, about words—what
we say and what we hear. While our television communication might look simple
to some, it really isn’t. Children are not simple, and neither are adults. I’ve
always given a great deal of thought to how I present ideas during our
television visits and I’m always fascinated to hear how people have used what
we have said. Often they’ve used our ideas in creative, productive ways I had
never dreamed they could be used. So may it be with the words in this book.
Once you’ve read them and made them your own, may they find a place in the
innermost part of you—in that essential part of you that inspires you to be who
you really are.”

There is so much beautiful wisdom in this book, wisdom which can enrich anyone’s life, but which will be an especially soothing balm to the abraded psyche of the dyslexic child and his or her parents. Rogers wrestled with perfectionism, despair, painful emotions, and doubts about his abilities to do work that would make a real difference for people. The lessons he learned as he worked through these issues uplift and inspire. And happily for us, he shares freely and with a generous and open heart. Enjoy!

Ever wondered what your job in life is? I know I have. Rogers
shed his light on this universal issue. “As human beings, our job in life is to
help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each
of us has something that no one else has—or ever will have—something inside us
that is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover
that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.” To encourage
means to “GIVE someone courage,” to inspire hope, courage, and confidence
within a person. What a beautiful mission for each parent to embrace as they
dialog with and interact with their child daily. But Fred Rogers points out an
all-important prerequisite. “When we love a person, we accept him or her
exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong along with the fearful,
the true mixed with the facade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by
accepting ourselves that way.” How’s your perfectly imperfect self-acceptance
these days? I invite you to drop into the safety and warmth of your own
embrace. Safety and love are your birthright, and they come from within the
self first.

When Rogers stated that “there is no normal life that is free
of pain. It’s the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for
our growth,” I couldn’t help thinking about what an asset this point of view is
for the dyslexic. The obstacle is the way. Looking at dyslexia through this
lens dignifies our struggle and suffering, don’t you think? What would change
in your child’s life if he could be helped to believe this about his own
struggle?

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The value of being a living example to our children is
discussed in the chapter on discipline. Rogers writes, “that chores have to be
done before play; that patient persistence is often the only road to mastery;
that anger can be expressed though words and nondestructive activities; that
promises are intended to be kept; that cleanliness and good eating habits are
aspects of self-esteem; that compassion is an attribute to be prized—all these
are lessons children can learn far more readily through the living example of
their parents than they ever can through formal instruction.” His description
of discipline is nothing short of mind-blowing: “Discipline is the gift of
responsible love.” As someone who grew up with autocratic, draconian rules and
little warmth, this definition made my heart swell with warm feelings of
gratitude.

The chapter on creativity and play delved into his struggles
with perfectionism and self-doubt. He writes, “I’ve often hesitated in
beginning a project because I’ve thought, ‘It’ll never turn out to be even
remotely like the good idea I have as I start.’ I could just feel how good it
could be. But I decided that, for the present, I would create the best way I
know how and accept the ambiguities.” It’s difficult to imagine warm, fuzzy,
Mr. Rogers all wrapped in his cuddly sweater saying the following words, but
say them he did. In a memo he typed, (referred to in his documentary, Won’t
You Be My Neighbor?) he wrote, “Am I kidding myself that I’m able to write
a script again? Am I really just whistling Dixie? I wonder. If I don’t get down
to it I’ll never really know. Why can’t I trust myself? Really that’s what it’s
all about…that and not wanting to go through the agony of creation. AFTER ALL
THESE YEARS IT’S JUST AS BAD AS EVER. I wonder if every creative artist goes
through the tortures of the damned trying to create? Oh well, the hour cometh
and now IS when I’ve got to do it. GET TO IT, FRED. GET TO IT….But don’t let
anybody ever tell anybody else that it was easy. It wasn’t.” What a beautiful
example of the way each of us has the ability to move through our despair or
other barriers and create something meaningful. And what a beautiful attribute
to model for our children! With my own dyslexia, which is just as bad as ever,
as it will always be for every dyslexic, these words resonated with quiet
strength. How can we help the next generation of dyslexics learn to just “get
to it”? Model it for them. Rogers states, “Strengthen the parent, and you
strengthen the child.” Kinda sounds like the purpose of all my blogs!

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Regarding education, Fred Rogers comments that “as far as I’m
concerned, this is the essence of education: to facilitate a person’s learning,
to help that person become more in tune with his or her own resources so that
he or she can use whatever is offered more fully.” This statement goes
beautifully with one he has framed on his wall, “The greatest gift one can give
to another is a deeper understanding of life and their ability to love and
believe in the self.” His grasp of the main impediment to that belief in self
is succinctly put with these words, “I’d like to be able to let children know
that they are not alone with their feelings—that there are other people and
other children who have those kinds of feelings…the same fears and the same
joys—to let them know there is an adult who cares.”

Amen. May we all be a safe place in the storm of life to the
struggling readers in our lives.

Link to book: https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Special-Beloved-Neighbor/dp/0140235140

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