“The pauses are the worst. Whenever I’m talking to someone, and...

“The pauses are the worst.  Whenever I’m talking to someone, and I don’t know what to say next, and there’s a pause, that’s when I start looking at the floor.  Then the nervous laughter comes in.  And I can’t recover.  It’s always been difficult for me.  Even as a child.  Whenever my mom asked me to say ‘hello’ to adults, I’d just look at my feet and mumble under my breath.  It comes so naturally to other people.  They express themselves so easily.  They’re so happy, maybe not always happy, but light, and carefree.  I try.  But it feels like I’m trying to be another person.  And I get uncomfortable.  And the cycle repeats.  I always imagine that people would prefer if I wasn’t around.  I never went to the disco when I was young.  I’ve never had a romantic relationship.  I haven’t even kissed a girl.  I do have parents that care about me, and they make sure I know.  So I’m thankful for that.  But I’d like something more.  I want to be a dad one day.  I’d like to have a career.  I’d like to have a family.  But if I can’t learn how to talk with people, I’m afraid that none of those things will happen.”
(Barcelona, Spain)