VEGAS DIARY
Dear Diary:
It's been almost three months now since my best friend Dwayne and I relocated to Las Vegas and life is good. It was tough getting used to the heat at first, but I think I've finally become climatized. Today it only reached a hundred and thirty-two degrees -- about the same temperature as the north pole of Venus. Not exactly like the winters back in Idaho, but at least it's cooling off. I'm told it gets so cool in the fall here that the tires on your car don't even melt (this will make driving to work much easier).
Dwayne and I have been staying at the Budget Suites and we really like it. There's a pool and a lot of very interesting people who live here and it all kind of reminds me of watching Melrose Place with my little sister Sissy. There's a really nice couple from The Ukraine whom I've met here, Boris and Svetlana. It took them fifteen years to save up enough money to visit Las Vegas, but now that they're here they're loving it. Last week they visited the Paris Hotel & Casino and had their picture taken in front of the Eiffel Tower. They were so excited! (I didn't have the heart to tell them that the real one is in France.) It hasn't been all fun and games for them though. Yesterday their goat drank the water from the swimming pool and had to be rushed to the veterinarian. It was touch and go for a while but he's expected to make a full recovery.
Speaking of interesting people, last night the police raided the suite of our neighbor. A guy who calls himself "Space Ghost." Turns out he had a methamphetamine lab in is living room. I suspected he was a tweaker when I found him mowing the lawn at 3am one morning (even stranger since we don't have a lawn).
I'm pleased to report that I've finally met a girl. Her name is Cheyenne. She works as a dancer at The Spearmint Rhino and is also taking courses on the computer to become a dental hygienist. She's a lot of fun but is addicted to gambling. She's also addicted to alcohol, nicotine, crack, caffeine, pcp, nitrous oxide, amyl nitrate, texting, genital piercing and Sweet 'N' Low. She recently developed an addiction to doing the laundry, and last week while we were out, broke into our suite and laundered and starched all my socks and underwear. It was very disconcerting and I think I'm going to have to end it.
Things aren't going so well for Dwayne. I'm afraid he's fallen in with a bad crowd. Dwayne was quarteback of our football team and the most popular guy in high school, but now he's changed his name to "Latoya" and has taken to wearing high heels and spandex and spends all his time hanging out by the convention center. Oh well. I guess he's just trying to fit in. I'm feeling a little tired so guess I'll sign off for now. Tomorrow is Saturday and a big day here at "The Suites." Management will be serving a free continental breakfast (donuts and coffee), and later in the afternoon we're scheduled to have the filter in our air conditioner changed. I wonder what they'll be doing back in Idaho?
It's been almost three months now since my best friend Dwayne and I relocated to Las Vegas and life is good. It was tough getting used to the heat at first, but I think I've finally become climatized. Today it only reached a hundred and thirty-two degrees -- about the same temperature as the north pole of Venus. Not exactly like the winters back in Idaho, but at least it's cooling off. I'm told it gets so cool in the fall here that the tires on your car don't even melt (this will make driving to work much easier).
Dwayne and I have been staying at the Budget Suites and we really like it. There's a pool and a lot of very interesting people who live here and it all kind of reminds me of watching Melrose Place with my little sister Sissy. There's a really nice couple from The Ukraine whom I've met here, Boris and Svetlana. It took them fifteen years to save up enough money to visit Las Vegas, but now that they're here they're loving it. Last week they visited the Paris Hotel & Casino and had their picture taken in front of the Eiffel Tower. They were so excited! (I didn't have the heart to tell them that the real one is in France.) It hasn't been all fun and games for them though. Yesterday their goat drank the water from the swimming pool and had to be rushed to the veterinarian. It was touch and go for a while but he's expected to make a full recovery.
Speaking of interesting people, last night the police raided the suite of our neighbor. A guy who calls himself "Space Ghost." Turns out he had a methamphetamine lab in is living room. I suspected he was a tweaker when I found him mowing the lawn at 3am one morning (even stranger since we don't have a lawn).
I'm pleased to report that I've finally met a girl. Her name is Cheyenne. She works as a dancer at The Spearmint Rhino and is also taking courses on the computer to become a dental hygienist. She's a lot of fun but is addicted to gambling. She's also addicted to alcohol, nicotine, crack, caffeine, pcp, nitrous oxide, amyl nitrate, texting, genital piercing and Sweet 'N' Low. She recently developed an addiction to doing the laundry, and last week while we were out, broke into our suite and laundered and starched all my socks and underwear. It was very disconcerting and I think I'm going to have to end it.
Things aren't going so well for Dwayne. I'm afraid he's fallen in with a bad crowd. Dwayne was quarteback of our football team and the most popular guy in high school, but now he's changed his name to "Latoya" and has taken to wearing high heels and spandex and spends all his time hanging out by the convention center. Oh well. I guess he's just trying to fit in. I'm feeling a little tired so guess I'll sign off for now. Tomorrow is Saturday and a big day here at "The Suites." Management will be serving a free continental breakfast (donuts and coffee), and later in the afternoon we're scheduled to have the filter in our air conditioner changed. I wonder what they'll be doing back in Idaho?
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