The Metaphor Guy Declares for the Fall Federation Election

Hmmm, can I count on your support for my campaign
run for 24 Sussex Drive?

I do not particularly like to talk politics.
The political arena strikes me as a three ring circus where each politician
competes to be the main act and does her/her utmost to undermine everyone else
on a daily basis.

But there is no avoiding the fact that we are
headed toward a federal election this fall. The Conservatives are already
flinging mud with their “Justin Trudeau Not as Advertised” ad campaign.
Trudeau’s first volley seems to be an attempt to curry pubic favour with a Digital Charter to reign in tech giants
like Facebook Google and Amazon. 

According to the Toronto Star, this charter
“will outline the government’s expectations on issues such as data ownership,
privacy protections and the online dissemination of hate — and Trudeau said the
government is considering meaningful financial penalties for companies that
break the rules”.

There will be an endless barrage
of such promises, as well as self-righteous accusations and vitriol, over the
coming months. I am tempted to dig a hole in the ground and hide out until the
whole mess wraps up and the successful party crows like a rooster.

However, I have decided instead to
enter the election race and run for the office of Prime Minister. I am
declaring no political affiliation, being equally disenchanted with all
parties, and will run as an independent candidate. If elected, I promise to
implement the following legislation:

Buck-An-Insult
Jar Law: All politicians will be subject
to a one dollar fine each and every time they say something nasty about an
opposing party member. The clink of looneys dropping into the insult jar will
be thunderous. By my calculations, the proceeds should eliminate the federal
deficit within one year.

15
Minutes of Silence Law: All
elected politicians will be required to wear an electronic device that detects fraudulent
speech or behaviour and delivers an electric shock to the wearer. The shock
will be enough to render the wearer mute for 15 minutes – a fate worse than
death for most politicians.

Three
Promises Law: Party
leaders will be limited to three promises in each election campaign. No
exceptions. If elected, the party leader will be required to deliver fully on
each of the three promises in their first term in office. Failure to do so will
carry two penalties:

Ejection
from office with no MP pension.Requirement
to wear for the next four years a sandwich board that reads Kick Me
Where It Hurts .

I recognize that I will be a dark horse candidate. It will require an
all-out grassroots movement to propel
me to victory. But I promise I will not ride
the coattails of anyone even though I may be viewed as a sacrificial lamb.

Call me The Metaphor Candidate. Can I count on your support?

~  Now Available Online
from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of
Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is also
the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which
was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s
website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com .

~ Subscribe to Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka That Make Me Go
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