Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening Scene Feel Too Abrupt?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 8.

This week’s question:

This is the opening scene of my novel. I've tired this scene several ways. One felt too leisurely, another felt overly descriptive. Do you think version is too abrupt for a domestic suspense?

Market/Genre: Domestic Suspense

On to the diagnosis…
Continue ReadingWritten by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com