My 32 Step Novel Writing Process

My 32 Step Novel Writing Process

Have a bunch of ideas.
Write them down.
Try to make them all make sense as my eyes cross trying to read what I just wrote down.
Fail.
Want to give up forever.
Decide that’s probably not going to happen, since even if I wanted to I can’t stop writing stuff.
Wring my hands a lot about my ability to write the story
Give it time. Let the pieces float around my head for days and weeks and months.
Have a EUREKA! Moment where all of a sudden, holy fucking shit, I have it.
Write. A lot. Skip meals. Skip events. Skip parties and video games and movie releases, cause I’m writing.
Send to my editor.
Realize there’s so much that isn’t linked up quite right, some missing information (because when it’s all happening in your own head, and you write it all down, it still all makes sense cause it’s still all in your own head, which is why an editor is manditory if you want your writing to not suck out loud)
Rewrite the book, anywhere from 20% to 90% rewrite
Get lots and lots of “YES!” and “Better!” and “This works now” comments from my editor
Clean it up, and inevitably miss some typos, cause that shit happens when you self publish
Lay the manuscript out for publication.
Stare lovingly at the Meghan Hetrick cover for the novel, because they’re always mind blowing and beautiful
Put the publishing candidate through the approval process at Amazon (and other retailers) 
Get rejected for forgetting the barcode. 
Resubmit with barcode. 
Get rejected for forgetting to format the manuscript in 8.5 x 5.5 size. 
Resubmit with correct sizing. 
Get rejected for having text on the back bleeding out of the “safe print” zone because I always get too clever on the back covers
Resubmit with everything somehow correct
APPROVED! 
Release the novel.
Immediately stare at Amazon and Goodreads without blinking, hoping someone leaves a review, knowing fully well 24 hours isn’t enough time for someone to have read and processed the damn thing, much less 60 minutes.
Realize I never told anyone it was out!
Send out emails to newsletter subscribers, notify the Discord chat, and tell the SOCIALMEDIAS that there’s a book out and they should check it out. 
Smile with great relief as reviews come back positive (for some reason… It’s never not surprising, and I love every single review and critique!)
Drink a fine whiskey and smoke a fine cigar
And then do it all again.