How Many Legs Does a Dog Have?

Abraham Lincoln once jokingly asked, “How many legs does a dog
have if you call the tail a leg?” His answer? “Four. Calling the tail a leg
doesn’t make it a leg.” Lincoln’s quote does a great job of humorously
highlighting the human tendency to argue with our own reality. As a human being
with dyslexia, I’ve often wished things were different. That I could read or
write faster, with less effort. That I could remember sequences (directions,
grocery lists, to-do-lists). That my brain’s “buffer” didn’t fill up so fast
and require so much time to clear. I’d hazard a guess that I’m not the only one
who sometimes wishes their reality was different. How about you? Anything in
your life feeling like it shouldn’t be a certain way right now? Welcome to the
human race! If you are a parent of a struggling reader, your feelings on behalf
of your offspring can be particularly difficult and intense at times. No one
wants to see their child be frustrated, to see them feel defeated by the
learning process, to witness them feeling broken.

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But wishing things were different or feeling like things in
our lives should or shouldn’t be a certain way is not the best use of our time
and energy. In fact, those feelings are actually at the heart of human misery.
How so? Let’s take a page out of Byron Katie’s classic book, Loving What Is. Katie states, “The only
time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is.” Every
time we argue with what is—with reality—we will suffer. Katie likens dwelling
on the desire for our reality to be different to be just as fruitful a use of
precious time and energy as trying to teach a cat to bark! Her observation
about her own life is summed up in this pithy quote, “When I argue with reality I lose—but only 100% of the time.” For you,
for me, for our respective families, what is happening is what is happening. It
is my reality, and yours, our respective life stories. The way to make a
difference in our outlook is based on how we choose to narrate that story. The
good news is we can learn to become better narrators.

Katie opines, “Every story is a variation on a single theme:
This shouldn’t be happening. I shouldn’t be having this experience. God is
unjust. Life is unfair.” What this (non)coping technique boils down to, in
essence, is that humans tend to believe that the only way we can have peace or
be happy is when everything in life is perfect—no struggles, zero frustrations,
no traffic, no computer/internet glitches, and above all else, nobody being “stupid”
around us. Is that cat barking yet? Didn’t think so.

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The thought-provoking question that comes next in this
powerful book really spotlights the positive impact of changing our belief. “Who
would I be if I didn’t believe this lie?” Katie calls these skewed beliefs “lies”
because they are at odds with reality, or in effect, these beliefs are lying to
us. Katie invites readers to slow down whenever they feel stressed and notice
that the root of their suffering is that they are projecting their story of
what should be onto the reality of what is.

If you’d like to see what it feels like to turn this suffering
around, consider the process Katie calls The Work. The Work is the following
rhyme: “Judge your neighbor, write it down, ask four questions, turn it around.”
What are the four questions?

Is it true?Can I absolutely know that it is true?How do I react when I think that thought?Who would I be without that thought?

And then, turn it around.

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Let’s try one together. Let’s say, for example, that I’m
frustrated about my child’s school situation.

“This teacher is a complete jerk! She never does what she says
she’s going to do, and it makes things even harder for my kid!”

Is it
true that the teacher is a complete jerk? Yes! She’s frustrating
the living daylights outta me!Can I
absolutely know that it’s true? Well, no, if I’m being fair, she
has made herself available for meetings and brainstorming sessions. And she
answers my emails.How do I
react when I think that thought? It makes me angry. I also feel
afraid that my child won’t ever get what he needs, and therefore doesn’t have
as much chance to meet his potential and be successful. When I think like that,
I’m not pleasant to be around, and the fallout affects the whole family, and
even my relationship with the teacher.Who would
I be without that thought? I would have more peace and focus instead on
coming up with a plan for things I can do at home to help support my child
through his struggle. I would also be better able to communicate with the
school system so we can all be on the same page.

See how that turns a difficult situation around? Now I can
focus on taking positive actions that will actually improve the situation,
rather than just being frustrated that I have to deal with someone who doesn’t
live up to my expectations. When I accept and embrace my own reality, I am free
to move forward to whatever comes next. And as we master this skill as adults,
we can model it for the next generation. Could anything be more helpful to a
child who is a struggling reader than learning to accept where they are at the
moment, and then move boldly forward to what comes next? Sounds like a great
plan to me.

Cardboard Box Adventures Picture Books are great
for shared reading and can help parents establish a strong pre-literacy
foundation for their children. Check out the new CBA
2018/2019 Full Color Catalog for a full list of award-winning picture
books, chapter books, and resources for parents and educators.