Give the Gift of Civility
"Civility costs nothing but buys everything."
—Mary Wortley Montagu
When we think of holiday presents, we often think in terms of dollars and cents. However, when we give of ourselves, the outcome is often priceless, particularly when we connect with others and deepen our interpersonal relationships. So this season, particularly if your pocketbook is a few pennies short, think of how you might nurture those around you.
1. Sometimes the gesture can be as simple as smiling at a shopper passing by on a sidewalk. Smiling is not only the great connector, but can be that bit of holiday cheer that slices through stress and lifts someone's day.
2. At an office or neighborhood party, be inclusive. Pay attention to a fellow guest who is standing alone, possibly because he doesn't know anyone or is too shy to introduce himself. Your showing interest by taking a few minutes to chat—and introduce him to others—might brighten an otherwise dull occasion. Besides, you might find a new friend.
3. Spend time with your children—baking cookies, decorating the house, reading stories, and playing games—creating memories that are precious, for them as well as yourself. These moments can be remembered and cherished by all, long after the gifts under tree have gone.
4. Embrace a positive attitude when faced with extended family members or friends with whom you have had contentious relationships in the past. Determine in advance how you can put an upbeat (and merrier!) spin during the gathering, rather than focusing on the negative. Praise your brother-in-law for his sense of humor or his suggestion of a good book because "he's such an avid reader"; hug your cousin for her contribution of her "out-of-this-world sweet potatoes," even if the tablecloth might have been tastier.
5. In this season of "peace on Earth and goodwill towards men," think about repairing a relationship that has caused great suffering. Consider how making an effective apology to someone that you have harmed might bring you together again. Conversely, reflect on how you might forgive someone who has harmed you; the release of that burden might set you both free.
