Learning to be Helpless
If you’ve ever had a major health issue, a physical, mental, or emotional impediment, or have been the person caring for someone under those circumstances, then you’ve probably experienced Learned Helplessness. In this article, I mean no disrespect to people who have disabilities and they are living to their full potential in spite of them. To see the full intent of this post, please be sure to read it in its entirety. And, yes, I know it’s longer than I usually post.
By definition, learned helplessness is:
“When humans come to understand (or believe) that they have no control over what happens to them, they begin to think, feel, and act as if they are helpless. It is a learned behavior, conditioned through experiences in which the subject either truly has no control over his circumstances or believes that he has no control over his circumstances.” (Source: PositivePsychologyProgram.com)
The first time I heard of Learned Helplessness was in relation to people who have had a stroke. The study showed that many of the stroke survivors had the ability to do much more than what they had been doing. Why would people live below their potential? There are many reasons and here are a few:
1. They feel that doing more isn’t worth the pain and struggle
2. They have people around them that insist on taking care of their every need
3. Well-meaning doctors may tell them to do as little as possible
The website, stroke4carers.org, says this:
“By encouraging the person to be as independent as possible and giving them choices, you can avoid this happening. Equally some carers find it is hard not to do more for the person they are caring for. Even the best of intentions can reinforce the learned helplessness. It may be quicker or less fuss to do the task for the person but it then becomes more difficult for them to change. All the extra tasks you have been doing may start to wear you out both physically and emotionally. Some carers worry about what others will think when they see the person struggling and you are not helping. Remember, they are not you and they may not be aware of what the person is really capable of.”
Learned Helplessness in school. I had an opportunity to interact with a school teacher and he shared with me how Learned Helplessness has taken over many classrooms. He said that there are students who have true disabilities and they have been told by their parents, social workers, doctors, and others all the things they can’t do. This has resulted in them refusing to put forth effort unless special attention and assistance is given. Interestingly, this school teacher is himself legally blind, yet runs several miles every day, takes care of his family, teaches, and lives a mostly normal life.
Technology is aiding Learned Helplessness. I recently read an article about robotic furniture. The article said that the furniture “can independently move around a space and can adjust its height, functioning as a caddie, a table and as an ottoman. Such robotic furniture could be particularly useful to those with physical disabilities, helping users carry items, limiting the need for painful physical tasks and even assisting people as they move around the house.” Whether it’s the scooters at the grocery stores or robotic furniture, these can serve as a way to help those that really need them to find personal freedom, or, they can give people who could be doing more another reason to be a helpless victim.
Doctors encourage Learned Helplessness. Let me ask you, if you have a wheelchair, a cane, oxygen tanks, etc., etc. sitting around your house, doesn’t it make you feel weak and ill? When I’ve spoken to people who have a lot of medical devices sitting around, they are mentally prone to feeling sick more than when the devices aren’t there. I’ve been there and done that, as you will soon read. This is called the Nocebo Effect. The nocebo effect is due to a person’s negative belief or expectation of what the medical devices, pills, prescriptions, etc. mean to, and for, them. It’s as if this is what is now defining who they are.
Another way doctors contribute to Learned Helplessness is the constant barrage of appointments many patients are assigned. Imagine this; You have a medical problem. For this medical problem, there have been five doctors involved. Each doctor wants to see you every other week. Then, once a month. Then, every three months, and so on until each one decides you no longer need to see them, which can very literally be years.
I mean no disrespect to doctors, but just the fact that a person feels they’re constantly seeing doctors makes them feel helpless, weak, and like there’s no way out. It’s as if they’re stuck in this doctor visit loop and they have no control over their life. I recognize that most doctors have good intent behind what they do for their patients, but I believe they need to be interviewing their patients frequently to get their input on their care. My personal experience has been that until I tell a doctor the progress I’ve made and how often I feel the need to return, then they will put me on whatever standard program they have. I’ve told doctors when medications made me feel worse, rather than better. I’ve fired doctors who insist that their way is the only way when it wasn’t the right way for me. I believe each person has to be their own biggest health advocate.
Now let me share with you the catalyst for writing this article.
In April, 2016, I had a case of pneumonia that wouldn’t go away. It wasn’t unusual for me to have pneumonia once a year, so, at first, I thought nothing of it. I would go to my doctor, he would give me a shot of antibiotics and steroids and I’d be good as new, like usual. Only, this time it didn’t go away. After four rounds of antibiotics and steroids, I still had “pneumonia”.
I went to a pulmonologist who did a CAT scan and found nodes in my lungs and a lump about the size of my fist in my chest. I was told not to worry as the lump wasn’t cancer. On July, 29, 2016, I went in for what was supposed to be three small slits in my chest where the surgeon would “slice-and-dice” the tumor into small pieces and remove it. The only problem was, the tumor was cancerous. It was attached to my pericardium and right lung. So, unbeknownst to me until afterwards, the doctor split my chest open like open heart surgery. I had no say in the matter, which really angered me! I spent a total of 19 days in the hospital. Had I been given an option, that’s not the one I would have chosen.
While in the hospital, I was diagnosed with a rare disease called Myasthenia Gravis (MG). MG is a disease that causes muscle weakness all over the body. If not treated, a person goes into a Myasthenia Crisis, which means the major organs stop working because of the weakness. I wasn’t exhibiting any symptoms of MG. None, zero, nada!
On January 19, 2018, I went into a full-fledged Myasthenia Crisis. My wife took me to an urgent care close by and the doctors thought I was having a heart attack. I was quickly put in an ambulance and rushed to a nearby hospital. I spent 21 days in ICU with a tube down my throat, three days in a hospital room, and seven days in rehab. A total of 31 days in the hospital. It would have been longer, but I amazed the doctors with my progress. Many times the hospital staff insisted that I use a wheelchair, walker, or cane. Most of the time I walked on my own. In one of the rehab games to strengthen my upper body (boxing), I beat the rehab tech even though he was playing all-out.
My neurologist has told me that I’m in the top 10% of the worst cases of MG. My oncologist has wanted to use radiation, even though all the scans and tests come back as showing no cancer. My pulmonologist would like to see me take medications on a daily basis. My cardiologist would like to see me on heart medicine. Etc, etc. They all tell me I should be in a wheelchair, or, at the very least, using a walker. I had to relearn to walk and talk again because of being strapped in bed with a tube down my throat for three weeks. And, did I mention I died both times I was in the hospital? Once in surgery and once in ICU.
Here’s the thing; as soon as I felt able at home, the medical devices were taken away and as each one left, I felt more powerful. I initiated a reduction in the number of doctor visits and I felt stronger because of it. I’m about 80% health-wise of where I was before all this started. I not only walk, but I have been giving hour-long presentations to groups and working almost every day. In fact, just two days out of the hospital and I was already contacting my clients and prospective clients!
You see, I was determined to be in control of my life and not be a victim or be helpless. I was self-aware of what made me feel strong and what made me feel weak.
Soon will be the sixteen-month anniversary of going into the hospital for the second time in two years. July 29, 2018 marks the two-year anniversary of my surgery. I wrote this article to encourage you to be strong and powerful. Whether it’s a medical issue, a relationship, a job, or whatever, refuse to learn the lesson of helplessness and resignation. There are always options and choices. And, when you take control and make your own choices, your life will be much richer and more fulfilling!
If you would like to learn how I maintained such a powerful mental and emotional state through all of this, feel free to contact me! And, I’m available for keynotes and workshops on the power of the mind.
Dr. Edward Lewellen is an expert in creating methodologies for people to learn to use their mind; their beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors, and put them back in control of their lives and become top-producers. He is a Master Executive Coach, leadership and sales expert, and keynote speaker for some of the largest global organizations.
Author of:
Life Mastery: The Fully Functional Life
