It’s The Way I Tell ‘Em (35)

[image error]

As the world seems to be going to hell in a handcart, I thought I would try to cheer us all up.

“It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road.” Olaf Falafel (2016)
“I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting.”Paddy Lennox (2009)
“The anti-ageing advert that I would like to see is a baby covered in cream saying, ‘Aah, I’ve used too much’” Andrew Bird  (2008)
“Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, ‘There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him”Carey Marx  (2008)
“My granny was recently beaten to death by my grandad. Not as in, with a stick – he just died first”Alex Horne (2008)
“I think if you were hardcore anti-feminism, surely you wouldn’t call yourself ‘anti-feminism’ would you? You’d call yourself ‘Uncle Feminism’.” Jenny Collier (2016)
“My mate is called Liam, but we call him ‘Two Legs Liam’. The reason for that is because he only has one arm.” Andrew Ryan (2016)
“I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.” Rob Auton (2013)
“I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.” Nick Helm (2011)
“Crash Investigations is my favourite TV show, I’ve seen every episode. Here’s a tip for the new viewers: if the show starts with the pilots being interviewed… it will be a boring episode.” Nick Cody (2015)
“I think the bravest thing I’ve ever done is misjudge how much shopping I want to buy and still not go back to get a basket.” Stuart Laws (2016)
“Drug use gets an unfair reputation considering all the beautiful things in life it has given us like rock ‘n’ roll and sporting achievement.” Jason John Whitehead (2016)
“I don’t have the Protestant work ethic, I have the Catholic work ethic; in that I don’t work but I do feel very guilty about that.” Rory O’Keeffe (2016)
“People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.” Abi Roberts (2016)
“Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara.” Olaf Falafel (2016)
“I went to Waterstones and asked the woman for a book about turtles, she said ‘hardback?’ and I was like, ‘yeah and little heads” Mark Simmons (2015)
“Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door’s always open.” Paul F. Taylor (2016)
“If you don’t know what Morris dancing is, imagine eight guys from the KKK got lost, ended up at gay pride and just tried to style it out.” Fin Taylor (2016)
“Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge?” Dan Antolpolski (2009)
“Insomnia is awful. But on the plus side – only three more sleeps till Christmas.” Robert Garnham (2017)