It's the Most Stressful Time of the Year (even for aliens) by Gini Koch

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It's the Most Stressful Time of the Year (even for aliens) by Gini Koch

It's the Most Stressful Time of the Year

By Gini Koch

Hi, I'm Katherine "Kitty" Katt-Martini, and I narrate the true life story of what it's like to live and work with the most gorgeous people on Earth. Sure, they're originally from the Alpha Centauri system, and they have two hearts and a lot of talents that are like superpowers to humans, but really, they're just regular "folks".

Our aliens, or A-Cs as they preferred to be called, don't really celebrate Christmas, since they were exiled here because of their religion. I'm the product of a former Catholic (and former Mossad — don't ask) mother and Jewish father, and we don't really celebrate the December holidays all that much, either.

Martini: I think you should celebrate.

Kitty: Huh? Hey, Jeff, I'm doing a guest blog thingy here.

Martini: I know. And I think you should celebrate the holidays. Don't not do it on my account.

Kitty: I'm not. I'm not doing it on my account. And that was my polite way of saying 'bug off, this is my gig not yours'.

Martini: I know, but I'm not going anywhere. Besides, I don't get it. Most religiously mixed families celebrate both holidays, or they choose one and celebrate it. Why doesn't your family do that?

Kitty: First off, I know you're getting all your holiday information from old TV shows.

Martini: There's nothing wrong with Festivus or Chrismukka. They're jolly.

Kitty: Thanks for proving point one. Secondly, my father has a strong anti-over consumption bent.

Martini: There's nothing wrong with the exchange of small gifts to show love and respect.

Kitty: Uh huh, no argument. Last but in no way least, I'm hella preggers here, and the last thing I want to do is put up a Christmas tree or Hanukkah bush, and I'm not excited about lighting candles or wrapping presents, either. And the less said about actually shopping for anything the better. You could get some dreidel time out of me, but only because there's chocolate coins involved and I have a serious craving right now.

Martini: I'll get you whatever chocolate you want, but I do want a better explanation for why you're avoiding the holidays. I think they're interesting.

Kitty: Yes, they are. They're religious in nature, but my father thinks they've gotten over-commercialized.

Martini: Maybe he's right. But that doesn't mean we can't celebrate. We could just do it without a lot of fanfare.

Kitty: You already have something planned, don't you?

Martini: Uh, no. No, not at all. Why would you think that?

Kitty: Because you're looking at your shoes and you look hugely guilty.

Martini: Fine. Yes, I got you a present. Since Christmas and Hanukkah are happening at the same time this year, I picked something out that I hope you'll like.

Kitty: I'm sure I'll like it, Jeff. But why does this matter so much to you?

Martini: Well, we're about to have a baby, and that baby will be half-human. I think it'd be nice if we're able to share what the real joy of the season is with our child.

Kitty: You really are an old softie, aren't you?

Martini: I suppose. You want your gift now or you want to be surprised?

Kitty: Oh, surprise me.

Martini: Okay, if I have to wait.

Kitty: Yes, you have to wait. Even though I can tell you don't want to.

Martini: I don't, but since I can tell you now want to get me something, let me say that what I got is a gift for us, so you don't have to buy anything.

Kitty: The empath stuff I'm sort of getting used to, but the mind reading never stops being freaky.

Martini: So, okay, we'll wait until it's closer to Festivus.

Kitty: I prefer Chrismukkah.

Martini: Glad I'm wearing you down. Chrismukkah it is.

Kitty: Honestly, we should call it Hanmastarion or Almaskah to include the Alpha Centaurion side.

Martini: I love them!

Kitty: I was kidding.

Martini: No, I really love those names. Hanmastaurion is great and so is Almaskah! Maybe I'll send out a directive that we all celebrate it this year. I'll put the names up for a vote. I'll be right back…I'll bring back some hot chocolate for you, too.

Kitty: Extra whipped cream on the hot chocolate, please and thank you.

Martini: You got it, baby!

Kitty: I've created a monster. But I know when I'm beat. A happy Hanmastarion to all, and to all a lovely and peaceful Almaskah.

Alien Proliferation blurb:

After the wildest wedding ever, Katherine "Kitty" Katt-Martini and her Alpha Centaurion husband Jeff are hoping life will settle down. But alien attacks are on the increase, and someone is testing a dangerous new drug on unwilling subjects within their group. As if that's not enough, Kitty and a number of the A-C women are expecting their first babies.

No one is certain what this baby boom will lead to, but after almost losing Kitty in childbirth, they discover that their newborn's talents are off the charts — and potentially dangerous. And just to add to their worries — the bad guys want their baby.

The last thing anyone in Centaurion Division needs after that is a conspiracy to kill the heads of the C.I.A.'s Extra-Terrestrial Division and the Presidential Terrorism Control Unit, otherwise known as Charles Reynolds and Kitty's mother, Angela Katt.

Then, suddenly, key members of Alpha and Airborne start vanishing.

Can Kitty, her remaining team members, friends old and new, and a totally unexpected new partner rescue everyone and figure out how and why Kitty's become a superhuman? Most importantly, can they pull it all off before the event Kitty dreads most — her Alpha Centaurion baby shower?

Author Bio

Gini Koch lives in Hell's Orientation Area (aka Phoenix, AZ), works her butt off (sadly, not literally) by day, and writes by night with the rest of the beautiful people. She writes the fast, fresh and funny Alien/Katherine "Kitty" Katt series for DAW Books and the Martian Alliance Chronicles series for Musa Publishing. She also writes under a variety of pen names (including Anita Ensal, Jemma Chase, A.E. Stanton, and J.C. Koch), listens to rock music 24/7, and is a proud comics geek-girl willing to discuss at any time why Wolverine is the best superhero ever (even if Deadpool does get all the best lines). She also speaks frequently on what it takes to become a successful author and other aspects of writing and the publishing business.