Some thoughts: "this one's for you and me…"

The past few days have been very exciting.

With the release of Spellbound by Fire has come the light of a dream, one that has seen darkness and destruction and has persevered into what it is today: a published, completed Spellbound with the sequel in the works.

Spellbound will never have to be a best seller for me to consider it a success. I celebrated hard core when it sold its first copy just today. It will always be a success to me because of what I had to go through to write it. Once upon a time, I wrote it in my basement bedroom with my music as loud as it would go just to escape the fighting and violence upstairs, the sounds of my family enduring another long night with a drunken monster. In 2004, the abuse ended, but not without losing everything after Mom's ex burned the house down. In the house fire, I lost the original draft of Spellbound that I had started.

To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I stopped writing after that. I had been told for years by Mom's ex that writing was a pointless dream, that I'd never get anywhere with it. Harsh words for a little girl with so many dreams, most of which were destroyed with the simple action of throwing a gasoline-filled beer bottle through a basement window and sitting back to watch the destruction. I started writing again after about six months after almost losing my mind and sinking into a suicidal state, proving that writing was (and remains) more than a hobby – it's a lifeline.

Even after I was writing again, I had people telling me I'd never get anywhere, that I "should go into nursing, that's where the money is." I know I'm not the only writer to be told something like that, to be degraded and have the one thing you love most minimized to dust. However, I always said that I wanted to publish Spellbound because I wanted to put everything he did out into the world and to have people read about what he did and slap him in the face without even realizing it. For everyone who buys and reads either She Wasn't Allowed to Giggle or Spellbound, that's exactly what happens. I'm proud of it.

To all those whoever said it wouldn't get me anywhere- sure, it hasn't made me rich. I'm not worried about money; that's not what writing is for me. The majority of the She Wasn't Allowed to Giggle copies that have gone out have been free, either to reviewers or organizations that assist victims and survivors of domestic violence. The Girls Educational and Mentoring (GEMS) Organization is featuring the poetry book in their poetry and prose group. Writing to me is a voice. Whether that makes me money or not, is not the point. Simply completing Spellbound and having it out there is empowering for me. Because I survived something that not many do, a darkness that not everyone is lucky enough to crawl out of alive. Every day, battered women are murdered by abusive spouses and parents. Put into perspective, I'm lucky to have survived long enough to write and publish Spellbound.

And even for those who say that self-publishing is the "easy way out" and have the attitude of superiority because they're traditionally published- By NO means did I take an easy way out. If I took that route, I wouldn't be writing this blog post today. Spellbound never would have seen its release day.

Finally, to those fellow writers who get discouraged by people who minimize your passion- don't listen to anyone else except for those who are brave and loving enough to support you. It's a crazy dream that takes you for a crazy ride but it is totally worth it even if you never become wealthy or a best seller. Be satisfied that you do what you love. I clean houses by day and write by night. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

"You and I know what it's like

To be kicked down, forced to fight

But tonight we're alright

So hold up your lights, let them shine

Cause this one's for you and me

Living out our dreams

We're all right where we should be

With my arms open wide

I opened my eyes

And now all I wanna see

Is a sky full of lighters." ~ Lighters