How can I help my child empathise with others?
My daughter would not share any of her belongings with other children whom she met in our neighbourhood. She would also take away others’ belongings. She would cry, shout and scream if we asked her to return them. I was worried about this behaviour of hers and wondered how I can help her share, care and be kind to others. When she started going to the daycare, her educators pointed out that this is a normal behaviour for children. But, I saw that there were children at the other end of the spectrum too. They would selflessly and happily give away their toys for other kids to play. I wondered what these children had in their mind that could help them exhibit this behaviour. I found my answer by researching and talking to people. The key was Empathy. I realised that feelings of love, kindness, sharing and caring stems from Empathy. What is Empathy? Empathy implies that we are able to imagine what somebody else is feeling, then respond in a caring manner that’s human and brings comfort over an ill feeling. Empathy is a skill. We propagate it with application. Most kids between 3-8 years can discern that others have intuition and feelings that are different than theirs, and that actions and words can have an impact on the emotions of others. Is my child too young to learn about Empathy? Kids begin to grasp empathy when very young. A fact is we’re all born with the cognitive mechanism to learn it. Newborns, for example, will cry when other newborns cry, and they can show signs of sadness or curiosity when their parents appear sad - albeit they don’t understand what’s happening. Beginning from the age of three, it is attainable to speak to them concerning imaginary scenes: How would you feel if someone took away your candy? How do you think a friend will feel if they had their toy taken? These conversations will enable the budding toddlers to perceive that others, just like they, have their own emotions. Between the ages of 5 to 8, children would begin to learn that people tend to have emotions completely different from theirs within the same scenario. Someone could be frightened of things they are not frightened of, someone could be irritated by things that don’t trouble them. It’s at this age that we are able to begin to show kids to use general principles of empathy rather than instinctive emotional responses. When is the right time to talk about Empathy with a child? At times when my little girl gets angry, she gets rude. She starts beating and shouting. She says things like “I do not like daddy anymore”. I choose a time later on in the day, to talk about it. I describe the situation and I ask her, “if you were daddy how would you feel”. She promptly replies “Sad”. She also gives her explanation and we have a healthy dialog. I then ask her if she wants to apologise. She wholeheartedly goes to say sorry and gives a big hug to daddy. The key here is finding the right time to talk about the situation. The child needs to be calm and relaxed. Their complete attention is required. I usually spend the time just before going to bed. It has now become a routine. My daughter would be settled after her bedtime story. She knows that at this time I would either talk about some of her good deeds or some things that she could improve on. She is open to listen. However, I would skip this conversation on days when she is too sleepy. Repeating such conversations with the child helps them understand and think of other’s perspective. Over a period of time, they would put themselves in someone else’s shoe more often.
Published on April 22, 2019 17:47
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