Hook in Readers with Better Words for Crowdfunding, Ads and Blurbs

Blink, and your audience will miss it. In a land of millions of books, you only have a split second to catch a potential reader's attention.

As a writer who loves marketing, I still find myself against a wall sometimes and have to figure out a way around. I found myself stuck at 607.00-just over 50% funded-for three days in a row with my Kickstarter.

I took a look at my campaign and realized my opening paragraph was aimed at children . . . not adults, who would be the ones stumbling across my campaign. I had completely forgotten the rule I've learned about campaign wording–always use action words at the beginning to hook people in.

So I changed my opening paragraph from "An adorable narwhal spends his day meeting other ocean creatures" to "Teach children about these beautiful 'unicorns of the sea' and other amazing Arctic creatures."

Parents and teachers need to see the VALUE of a book, why are they choosing it among the thousands of others available?

Action words are important for Amazon blurbs, AMS ads, and Facebook ads. Start your ad with words like

JoinDiscoverTeach Come AlongRide AlongFind outPlay withExperienceWhen I changed the hook, I had THREE new backers in one night after three days of crickets. I have also used these words for much more effective hooks for my AMS ads and Amazon blurbs. The difference has been substantial.
I challenge you to try this and see what happens! Here's my KS page for reference. http://kck.st/2VCRUPz

What changes have you made to your ad copy to see amazing differences? Please share in the comments!