Ode to Herman*

So farewell then, Herman Cain

You came and went like summer rain

"9-9-9" man and pizza C.E.O.

We hardly had time to say hello

From out of nowhere, you blazed a trail

For we, the geographically frail

Who can't tell Libya from Pakistan

And, frankly, don't give a damn

You stood up there and gave us hope

That here, finally, was the straight dope

Income tax: a dime on the dollar

It was time to hoot and holler

What we didn't know, of course

Soon to cause buyer's remorse

A little something in your past

That would make us all aghast

A zipper issue so truly appalling

That when accusers came a-calling

There was really nothing left to do

Except deny it and say, "Nuts to you!"

That you did with a wink and a smirk

For a while, it even seemed to work

Until one day, confirming all our worse fears

Came forth your alleged mistress of thirteen years

And that, dear Herman, was pretty much that

Your campaign hit the sidewalk with a splat

Even the rescuer of Godfather

Could on no account go farther

So bid adieu to campaign planes

Nice tour buses and special trains

It's time to go back and work it

On the rubber-chicken circuit

(*With apologies to Calvin Trillin and E.J. Thribb, two masters of political doggerel.)