“I knew immediately. I get a breast exam every year, so I know...

“I knew immediately.  I get a breast exam every year, so I know what normal is supposed to look like.  I could see the tumor on the screen.  It was messy.  It was black.  But I didn’t feel shocked.  I was calm.  My surgery was scheduled for Valentine’s Day.  And you know what?  That was the most beautiful Valentine’s Day of my life.  Because I spent it taking care of myself.  I had a difficult childhood.  Then I had a very hard love story that lasted for twenty years.  And when that came to an end, I escaped into my work.  I was like a hamster in a wheel: faster, faster, faster.  It was easy to rationalize because I work in Women’s Rights.  I felt involved in something bigger than myself.  But I just wrote reports about the situation.  Honestly I changed myself much more than the country.  I was worn down.  I had no free time.  And my children are grown, so I was wondering if I had any reason to live anymore.  Then four months ago the cancer came.  It was a blessing in a shitty package.  It was something I couldn’t control.  And I was forced to accept that.  Right now I’m not doing anything.  I’m visiting with friends.  I’m taking time to relax.  I’m feeling grateful.  And I’m asking myself big questions: ‘Where would I like to live?’  ‘What would I like to do?’  Questions I never had the time to ask.  But most importantly I’m taking care of myself.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m late for my massage appointment.”
(Paris, France)