HOPE – I can’t go on without hope!
Pornography was my Achilles heel. I had tried so many times to change and failed every time. When I told myself that this time was going to be different, another part of me replied in an instant, “Don’t kid yourself. You will be right back at it again before you know it.” Deep down in my soul, I felt I was doomed to repeat yesterday’s mistakes today, and then do the same thing again tomorrow. No matter how sorry I was for what I had done wrong, or how convinced I was that I needed to do what was right, nothing ever seemed to change.
Maybe you have experienced the same sense of despair. People caught up in pornography have often gotten to the point where the whole idea of hope seems remote, far removed; unbelievable and unattainable. Things are really bad and there is often not much light at the end of the tunnel. I had certainly felt that way many times.
Every now and then my wife and I carry on a friendly banter where I tell her I am an optimist and that she is a pessimist. She always replies that she is not pessimistic, just realistic. I know firsthand that transformation does not come easily, and I have witnessed countless guys who have claimed that they were going to make an about-face, but their desire to do so fizzled out. Who am I to look down on them? How many years did I waste, trapped in this cycle of hopeless despair? The reality is that change is an enormous challenge and requires hard work, plenty of dedication and help from others. Nonetheless, change is possible! There is hope!
I can live without many things, but I cannot live without hope. If there is no light at the end of the tunnel, I’ll just give up in despair, and then curl up in a ball and die. Hope is what keeps me going. Hope is what helps me believe in a better tomorrow, that it really is possible to live a life with no regrets. I’m so sorry for the hundreds of hours I wasted looking at women made in the image of God in order to lust after them. I regret more than words can express, the heartbreak and agony I have inflicted on my wife because of my selfish actions. But I believe that with God’s help those days are behind me. Today the sun is shining and the skies are blue. Tomorrow’s forecast looks good too! I am no longer without hope. I am full of hope.
Of course, my hope does not rest in my own strength or abilities or knowledge or determination. Thirty plus years of failures certainly disqualify me as the superhero who is going to swoop in and put everything right. My hope rests on the firm foundation of the One who created all things and on his Son who died to pay my debt and rose from the grave to soundly defeat the father of lies and to set the captives free.
I believe we often feel like we are “not enough”. We think, “If people knew the real me, they could not possibly like me”. I was certain of this when it came to pornography. That’s why I never worked up the courage to tell anyone about my struggles. Well, Jesus knows me through and through. He knows all of my dirty secrets, yet Jesus loves me anyway. He loved me so much that he gave his life to rescue me. In spite of my weaknesses, failings and rebellious nature, Jesus thinks there is still hope for me. He believes in the new me. Jesus makes me hopeful!
You can find my book here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07DMF6ZQS
