Why Thatcher invented punk rock

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When Thatcher seized control of the Conservative Party in 1975 she had one overwhelming ambition – to utterly destroy the county of Yorkshire in revenge for what Sir Arthur Scargill and his plucky band of miners had done to Ted Heath and the previous tory government.

She knew she couldn’t do this while in opposition, she had to become prime minister first, but with a strong working class turnout at elections she knew this would be impossible.

So she reached out to the Paedophile Information Exchange for ideas on how to put the working class off voting, promising them a £10,000 per year grant if they helped her get into power.

It was a shop owner called Malcolm McLaren who came up with the best idea – all she had to do was put as many young working class people off voting as possible, thus ensuring a Conservative victory forever more. And what’s more, he knew exactly how to do that. He would create a boy band who would storm the pop charts with songs about anarchy, having no future, and how pointless everything is.

But not even Thatcher realised how effective this ruse would be. The boy band McClaren created were copied by thousands of teenagers across the country within two years, expanding on the nihilist principles they preached. Vote Nobody, the message became. Nobody cares. Nobody will help you.

As a result the Labour vote collapsed in the 1979 election. Thatcher seized control of the country, and it was time for Yorkshire to suffer.