Sh*t Happens

Today I stuck a stick up my arse in the name of science.

At least, that’s what the nurse told me it was for. I also gave blood, well, gave implies it was voluntary, that part might be a lie. She took blood, and is very good at doing it too. No prick. No pain. No bruising. It was then she suckered me, while I was still woozy from terror, you know, needles and everything.

“Here,” she said, showing me a three inch flat tube. She popped the top, it came away with a thin sliver of stick. She then mimed what I was to do with the stick because, sincerely, there are no words. Not in French, not in English, that are age appropriate and don’t include the word: ‘Merde!’

It’s like a ward against evil. Use the stick. And your life could be saved. I like to be saved. I like the idea a lot. So I used the stick. But me and stick will never be friends. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would be friends with said stick. But in the interests of science? Stick is our friend.

No one wants the alternative if stick fails. Stick is tiny. Cameras are not. Who thought colonoscopies were a good idea, while the patient is awake?

So, how’s your day been?