Real Life Diagnostics: Revising for a Closer Point of View

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Zero

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are open.

This week’s questions:

Am I closer to what is expected in close third person, or am I still off? Do you have a better sense of the scene/place he is? Can you see what is happening or do I need more description? Is there a character voice coming through now? Did I do better with hinting at magic sooner? Is there enough information about what he is trying to do?

Market/Genre: Fantasy

Note: This is a recent (and well done) revise and resubmit. Here’s the original if you’d like to see how the author revised. 

On to the diagnosis…
Continue ReadingWritten by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com