Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Scene Make You Care About the Protagonist?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Two

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through April 13.

This week’s questions:

Does this scene make you care about Nicole? Is there enough conflict to draw you in? Do you hear Nicole's voice and personality? Is the problem clear?

Market/Genre: Christian YA Contemporary

Note: This is a significant and well-done rewrite of previously submitted material. If you’d like to see how the author revised this, find the others drafts in May 2018 and July 2018.

On to the diagnosis…

Continue ReadingWritten by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com