Intolerant of Intolerance

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Intolerant of Intolerance

This blog covers some pretty controversial topics. No doubt. And I love love love love to get comments from readers, even when they don't agree with my opinions on a certain subject…as long as they're respectful.

This is, after all, my place.

Emphasis on *my*

So be nice to me, otherwise I'll delete your comment, and I won't even feel a little bit bad about it.

Like I said, most people who comment are AWESOME! They're either adding to the conversation or asking really great, challenging questions. They're supporting my work by offering words of encouragement or praise, and I love you all for it. There are days when a comment or an email from a reader is what keeps me going, as I don't get paid to write all these posts or record the podcasts. So it's very validating to connect with readers on a personal level because they're living an alternative lifestyle are curious to learn more about it…or perhaps they're suffering abuse or heartbreak, and it's just nice not to feel alone. Regardless of the reason…PLEASE!!! Keep commenting!

I truly love it!

However…

Very, very rarely, I'll get a troll-like comment by someone who was offended by something I said or misunderstood something I wrote or just is intolerant of any idea outside of their own.

I'm not a fan of intolerance, really. Not even a little bit. It's hatred. It's judgement. It's bullshit, and I really just don't have time for it or for those who are being intolerant.

You might say I have an intolerance for intolerance.

Ironic, I know. But there it is.

The other day I got one of these rude comments from an intolerant, insulting, judgmental person (it wasn't the first and it certainly won't be the last), and I responded less kindly than I normally would. I usually just delete them, but I've been practicing standing up for myself after my challenging year, so I did just that. It's funny because I joked with myself and my husband after I replied by saying that I was "intolerant of intolerance." This rude person commented back being even more offensive and judgmental than before. Of course.

I deleted all three comments because I learned long, long ago that one cannot argue with ignorance. I wasn't angry or upset or even offended. I was just bored, really.

As I've said countless times before, life is too short to deal with assholes.

Perhaps in my middle-age I'm growing more intolerant across the board, for when it come to loving, intimate relationships, I'm also intolerant of liars and cheaters. I'm intolerant of deception. I'm intolerant of cowards*.

But…I'm intolerant of those concepts, mostly.

Individuals who need help or guidance or just someone to talk to…people who have been liars and cheaters and cowards in the past (because who hasn't been at least one of these three things?) and who recognize that in themselves and want to find a better way, become better people…others who want to find out how to open communication with their partner and learn who they are…

To those people, I'm very understanding and very loving, and as many readers have discovered, my email door is wide open to chat about whatever it is on your mind. I do love to give relationship advice and clarify things written about in my blog.

…as long as you don't attack me or insult me or judge me…

Because this is my place, my little corner of cyberspace.

Be nice and respectful when you're in my place.

So please, please keep talking and commenting and asking questions. If you don't agree with me or my lifestyle, feel free to tell me and spark a discussion, just do so respectfully. There are some great examples of respectful comments from those who don't agree >>here<< and you'll see my respectful responses in kind.

I LOVE debate. I love to think and rethink issues. I love to be challenged. I love to challenge others. I love to push boundaries of understanding. I love to talk with others about relationships, philosophy, communication, and alternative lifestyles.

BUT

If you judge me or my lifestyle…

If you attack me and insult me…

If you come to my place and display your assholery…

I'll delete you.

So, play nice. Because, yes, life is too short to deal with assholes, and I really have so many better things to do than to argue with the ignorant or the arrogant.

This is a place of safety, of understanding, of honesty, and of open-minded love.

Please treat it as such.

-_Q

* re: "Cowards" – I'm using this word coward to describe emotional cowardice. Everyone has fears, and a person's fears are very important to them and should be to their SO. We all struggle with fears and ways to minimize or overcome them. So being afraid of something does not make one a coward. Sharing fears with a SO/spouse certainly does not make one a coward. A coward is someone who allows said fears to completely dominate their behavior and choices, hurting themselves and everyone around them. When a fear of intimacy or engulfment translates into using people for sex or leading them on emotionally and then casting them aside because one cannot handle deepening emotions or true intimacy, that's cowardice. When someone is so afraid of losing their family/spouse/SO but don't have enough courage respect for said person to talk with them before stepping out and fucking other people behind their back, that's cowardice. When someone is utterly miserable in a relationship and turns to alcohol or drugs to cope instead of communication and counseling, who doesn't have the courage or respect to either discuss how things could be better or end the relationship so that both parties can move on and possibly find happiness, that's cowardice. I hope these three examples clear up what I mean when I use the word "coward."