Lessons for Living (from those who have done some)

In October, columnist David Brooks asked readers for a "gift": "If you are over 70. . ., I'd like you to write a brief report on your life so far, an evaluation of what you did well, of what you did not so well and what you learned along the way."

In response, he heard from thousands of readers, and in a later column tried to distill some "life lessons" he took from the gifts. The lessons follow. I've given them the numbers and any comments I make on specific lessons are italicized and in parentheses:

1) Divide your life into chapters. "The happier ones divided time into (somewhat artificial) phases. They wrote things like: There were six crucial decisions in my life. Then they organized their lives around those pivot points." Then later on he leaps to "They had more control over their fate." (He starts off with the weakest lesson.)

2) Beware rumination. (Methinks of a public radio piece I heard years ago, it went on for quite a while, something to the effect of : "I think too much. I think I think too much. I think I think I think too much. I think I think I think I think too much." Etc.) One of his points is that "Many of the most impressive people, on the other hand, were strategic self-deceivers. When something bad was done to them, they forgot it, forgave it or were grateful for it."

3) You can't control other people.

4) Lean toward risk. "It's trite, but apparently true. Many more seniors regret the risks they didn't take than regret the ones they did."

5) Measure people by their growth rate, not by their talents. (Interesting.)

6) Be aware of the generational bias. (Apparently, respondents liked their kids more than their parents.)

7) Work within institutions or crafts, not outside them. (No room for rebellion.)

8 ) People get better at the art of living. (As they get older.)

I think it important to remember a couple of things about these lessons: 1) The audience that would have responded to the Brooks' request are self-selected, and other groups with different reading patterns (or no reading patterns at all) might have other lessons to share. 2) The respondents (I'm assuming) aren't yet at the actual end of life, so there may still be important lessons they won't learn or recognize till later. An interesting list, nonetheless.

What are your life lessons?