Character Defects: Envy
How many of us took inventory of envy when we did Step 4 for the first time? Probably not many. How many did in subsequent 4th Steps, or when working Step 10? Again, in all likelihood very few. And yet, as we can see in our opening quotes below, the Big Book and the 12&12 count envy as one of our biggest problems as alcoholics, on a part with anger, resentment, and fear.
Why then is envy not on our radar screen? Because, like greed, envy is hard to detect in ourselves. To paraphrase Milton Friedman’s take on greed, none of us are envious, it’s only the other fellow who’s envious. Indeed, envy hides even more than greed. Greed can always pose as a positive quality. It can hide behind ambition or behind a good cause. We want more because we want to do more, we rationalize; we want to accomplish things, make a contribution, do good.
There’s no such out with envy. As a defect of character and of emotion, envy is beyond redemption. It is a detracting construal of others issuing from a detracting construal of ourselves. Its trademark is rivalry. In envy, we want something somebody has but we lack. It can be any good: a quality, talent, advantage, possession. But we don’t want it so much for itself as for the value that it confers upon the person who has it (e.g., approval, respect, admiration). That’s the underlying concern, what’s really important to us. The rivalry is for personal significance or worth.
If we desire to have the object of envy too but we don’t mind that the other person has it, the rivalry is amicable and ours is said to be “friendly envy.” If on the other hand we begrudge the other person’s possession of it and would like that person to lose it or otherwise to be diminished, the rivalry is hostile and our envy is said to be (redundantly) of the “invidious” type. The other’s success is our failure and his failure our success.
That’s the kind of envy the Big Book and the 12&12 are talking about. That’s what they say led to the bottle and is one of our greatest enemies. It’s not hard to see why. In envy our self-worth is always on the line. We are always comparing ourselves with others and always falling short. We’re always competing and losing. We become bitter and resentful. We get depressed and feel sorry for ourselves.
Envy is often conflated with other emotions, which compounds our problem when taking inventory. One of these is greed. Like envy, greed is an immoderate or inordinate desire for possession. But greed targets possessions in general. Envy targets specifically the possessions that belong to another. Moreover, greed is concerned with possessions properly speaking, that is, with external objects of ownership (her Porsche or Mercedes Benz). While also concerned with these, envy is more concerned with internal qualities that belong to a person (her looks or musical talent). What it really wants is what the possessions say about the possessor. It wants for itself the worth the possessions reflect.
Envy is also confused with and used as a synonym for covetousness. Both target what belongs to another. But when we covet, our focus is on the possession itself, not on the value the other person derives from it. Moreover, the focus is only on the outward type. We do not covet someone’s personal or inner attributes. We are not competing for self-worth. The 12&12 sets the two apart in the following sentence: “Unreasonable fear that our instincts will not be satisfied drives us to covet the possessions of others, to lust for sex and power, to become angry when our instinctive demands are threatened, to be envious when the ambitions of others seem to be realized while ours are not” (Step Four, p.49, our italics).
The biggest confusion, however, is with jealousy. In fact, jealousy is routinely used as a synonym for envy. Like envy, jealousy involves rivalry. But unlike envy, the rivalry is over something the subject of the emotion already has and the object of it doesn’t. . . .
Above is excerpt from 02/28/19 post at http://PracticeThesePrinciplesTheBook...
in “Character Defects.” For full text, as well as quotes and additional resources, please click on link.
Why then is envy not on our radar screen? Because, like greed, envy is hard to detect in ourselves. To paraphrase Milton Friedman’s take on greed, none of us are envious, it’s only the other fellow who’s envious. Indeed, envy hides even more than greed. Greed can always pose as a positive quality. It can hide behind ambition or behind a good cause. We want more because we want to do more, we rationalize; we want to accomplish things, make a contribution, do good.
There’s no such out with envy. As a defect of character and of emotion, envy is beyond redemption. It is a detracting construal of others issuing from a detracting construal of ourselves. Its trademark is rivalry. In envy, we want something somebody has but we lack. It can be any good: a quality, talent, advantage, possession. But we don’t want it so much for itself as for the value that it confers upon the person who has it (e.g., approval, respect, admiration). That’s the underlying concern, what’s really important to us. The rivalry is for personal significance or worth.
If we desire to have the object of envy too but we don’t mind that the other person has it, the rivalry is amicable and ours is said to be “friendly envy.” If on the other hand we begrudge the other person’s possession of it and would like that person to lose it or otherwise to be diminished, the rivalry is hostile and our envy is said to be (redundantly) of the “invidious” type. The other’s success is our failure and his failure our success.
That’s the kind of envy the Big Book and the 12&12 are talking about. That’s what they say led to the bottle and is one of our greatest enemies. It’s not hard to see why. In envy our self-worth is always on the line. We are always comparing ourselves with others and always falling short. We’re always competing and losing. We become bitter and resentful. We get depressed and feel sorry for ourselves.
Envy is often conflated with other emotions, which compounds our problem when taking inventory. One of these is greed. Like envy, greed is an immoderate or inordinate desire for possession. But greed targets possessions in general. Envy targets specifically the possessions that belong to another. Moreover, greed is concerned with possessions properly speaking, that is, with external objects of ownership (her Porsche or Mercedes Benz). While also concerned with these, envy is more concerned with internal qualities that belong to a person (her looks or musical talent). What it really wants is what the possessions say about the possessor. It wants for itself the worth the possessions reflect.
Envy is also confused with and used as a synonym for covetousness. Both target what belongs to another. But when we covet, our focus is on the possession itself, not on the value the other person derives from it. Moreover, the focus is only on the outward type. We do not covet someone’s personal or inner attributes. We are not competing for self-worth. The 12&12 sets the two apart in the following sentence: “Unreasonable fear that our instincts will not be satisfied drives us to covet the possessions of others, to lust for sex and power, to become angry when our instinctive demands are threatened, to be envious when the ambitions of others seem to be realized while ours are not” (Step Four, p.49, our italics).
The biggest confusion, however, is with jealousy. In fact, jealousy is routinely used as a synonym for envy. Like envy, jealousy involves rivalry. But unlike envy, the rivalry is over something the subject of the emotion already has and the object of it doesn’t. . . .
Above is excerpt from 02/28/19 post at http://PracticeThesePrinciplesTheBook...
in “Character Defects.” For full text, as well as quotes and additional resources, please click on link.
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