Sort of I Get It Mostly I Don’t
I like to think I’m too good for The Bachelor, and 93% of the time I am, but here I sit, watching this season for the first time (are we on season 247?), not able to look away. Judge me if you will, I know I have rolled my eyes in disgust at this very act many times, but the relational drama lures me into a stupor. To my discredit, someone on social media said the scene I was watching was “Like the most real moment that has ever happened on that show.” Please.
But why? Why do scenes like this compel us to abandon our female indignation and gaze transfixed? The horror! The horror! Oh hey, look at that awkward hot tub kiss! I wonder what she uses on her thighs to get rid of cellulite. Ugh.
I don’t know. And I’m not sure I’m going to have a satisfying enough, or a sensible full-circle-wise-yet-pithy-relatable answer by the time this post ends. Fair warning.
Conclusive evidence from prior seasons suggest disastrous results at the expense of the contestants, and maybe the mental sanity of viewers, yet many fervently defend and fight for the right to let mean girls and suave bros battle out love in front of three cameras and two umbrella lights.
Sort of I get it. Mostly I don’t.
And yet, I think as I sit and watch, here I am. My computer open, mocking my attempt to get any work done.
Like jogging at night, you should only join in and watch with good friends who can accurately call into question dangerous behavior, and pull you out of a dark alley into a well-lit, nearby home. What is the alley in this metaphor gone awry? Is it the show? The Bachelor himself? The 22-year-old self-employed assistant? Is the well-lit home changing the channel? Or maybe a book? How about Jane Eyre? I recently heard a perspective on NPR, by the way, asserting Jane Eyre perfectly enforces the trope that glorifies women falling in love with domineering, manipulative, older men– thus shattering part of my adoring Brontë heart. Okay, I digress.
But can we be real? Is that possible in a blog post that’s kind of about The Bachelor? There are obvious problems and sexism happening in the show and in society. We see flecks of that in our own world—all around us, but can some expected and accepted norms be innocuous and some be dangerous? Can it be that basic? Can it simply, just depend?
I think of the line in Father of the Bride when Brian explains his choice to give Annie a blender for their anniversary. He says, “You know those banana shakes she like to make, right? Well, that’s why I thought she’d like a blender. I guess I can see her point. A blender does suggest a certain 1950’s reference to sexual politics. But I swear it never entered my consciousness at the time.”
Here’s the part where I don’t have the answers or word count to unpack everything (see said fair warning above). What I will try and say is I believe Brian here.
Because of his awareness.
He noticed the reaction, questioned his choice, and later had a conversation about it. I knew my countless times watching this as a tween would pay off one day.
I don’t like to see women used as props and damaging stereotypes played out on syndicated television. I don’t think any of us do—obviously. I also know that I’ve heard one of the most encouraging conversations between two 17-year-old girls about worth and identity because they watched an episode of The Bachelor. Could a conversation could have happened without it? Of course, but they used it as a way to notice behavior and question it. To then up-level their own consciousness.
I’m not going to draw the line in the sand; this is mostly random thoughts trying to coalesce into some semblance of an idea. But for me, it’s the noticing. It’s the awareness to question, assess, discuss, and then make a decision for ourselves.
But wait! You say – can’t it just be simple mindless entertainment? Sure. Yes. But. It’s all in how you look at it.
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite stories about blissful ignorance turning into positivity.
I was at dinner with two friends. One looked at us and said, “I have something to tell you guys about work.” She went on and said, “They put me on a P.I.P.” To which, the other friend joyously yelled, “Well look at you doing great things!” as she lovingly smacked her arm. After some nervous smiles and confusion, the first friend replied, “P.I.P stands for Performance Improvement Plan.” After a short blank-stare moment, the uproarious laughter ensued.
View, use, and be aware in order to turn questions and questionable consumption into a better perspective. That is all, dear reader.
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