I Still Have Plenty of Life Left

Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash
Last summer, I turned 40. I didn’t handle the transition well. There was a lot of stress and anxiety. For a short time, I truly believed my life was over.

I’ve never been one to care too much about my age. I looked forward to the big ones:

Getting my license at 16Being an official adult at 18Being able to legally drink at 21Being an adult-adult at 30
After turning 35, I felt it was suitable and appropriate to tell people when they asked my age that I was pushing 40. I honestly wasn’t bothered by a number.

Then, the year of emotional distress and overwhelming anxiety hit. Depression convinced me I was worthless and a failure. I was going to be 40 and what did I have to show for it?

My job didn’t pay enough.I didn’t have insurance.I had no friends.My family was at least 7 hours away.I couldn’t write.
Yeah, it was a pretty bleak time. I spent my 40th birthday thinking I was going to die and that would be a fitting end to a craptastic life.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I was watching Mobster on Reelz because why wouldn’t I be? The episode focused on “Mad Sam” DeStefano . He’d spend his life participating in crime, but his real ambition was to be part of the mob. He didn’t realize his dream until he turned 40.

Side note: as I was looking up the link for the episode to put into the blog, I noticed that the first time this episode aired was on my birthday 7 years ago. How crazy is that?

Jokingly, I turned to my spouse and said, “Hey, if this new sales job doesn’t work out for you, you could still have a lucrative career as a mob hit man.”

After I said that, something clicked in my brain.

No, I did not think that I had a lucrative future as a mob hit man.

But it did occur to me that if that guy could follow his passion and keep working and trying throughout his life and finally see a payoff/recognition at 40, why couldn’t I?

Being 40 isn’t that old. Instead of focusing on the things I hadn’t accomplished by 40, I needed to focus on the things I could accomplish after 40.

Mad Sam continued to murder people well into his 60s. I don’t condone his actions or view him as a role model, but it’s hard to deny that after 40 he became a huge success in his chosen field.

I still have a lot of life ahead of me, and I’m excited to see what I can accomplish. I’m going to work hard to fulfill my dreams and be the best I can be.

40 isn’t the end. It’s the beginning of a new chapter.

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