Metaphors of Life Journal: Could You Walk a Mile in Their Shoes?
Hmmm, are we asking the right question when we encounter callous people?
Many of you will have heard the news of the eleven year old Mississauga girl who was found dead at her father’s residence in Brampton this week. It was heartbreaking incident that shocked the communities involved. The father has since been charged in relation to her death.
But a secondary story has emerged from the incident. Police had issued a late night amber alert when the father failed to return the girl to her mother as scheduled. As you may know, the technology now exists for amber alerts to automatically sound on some mobile devices. The late night alert resulted in some complaints to police about being disturbed at a late hour.
These complaints, once reported in the media, provoked an outcry of indignation from many people through various channels including social media. I participated in that outcry.
In situations such as this, we often wish we could confront the individuals involved, shake them and ask: What is wrong with you?! But upon further reflection, it occurs to me that the individual’s reaction – perhaps spoken, but more likely in the silence of their hearts – might be: Walk a mile in my shoes and then decide if you have the right to condemn me.
Let me be clear. I do not condone the behaviour of these people. But I am compelled to seek an explanation for it. It is my belief that we are all born innocent with minds and souls that are a clean slate. It is the things that happen to us, and the nature of the people who encounter, particularly in our formative years, that define who we will grow up to be.
None of us get through life unscathed. We all have stuff that we have to find our way through and come to terms with in our own way. But some people have terrible things happen to them that scar them for life. Their reaction to everything that happens thereafter is coloured and shaped by that experience.
So perhaps a better question to ask would be: What has happened in your life to make you so bitter and callous? And if we had the courage, admittedly I do not know if I would, to also ask: Is there anything I can do to help you?
It brings to mind a keynote presentation I heard a few years back from Amanda Lindhout. While working as a freelance journalist in Somalia in 2008, she was kidnapped and held for ransom for 15 months by insurgents – suffering considerable abuse over that time.
At one point, she escaped from the building she was held in and ran to a nearby mosque. Her kidnappers were hot on her heels. The occupants of the mosque were too frightened to help as the kidnappers entered.
But a Muslim woman outside the mosque saw what was happening. She entered and pleaded with the kidnappers to let Lindhout go. The kidnappers pushed her aside and began to drag Lindhout out by her heels. Undeterred, the Muslin woman threw herself on Lindhout, clung to her and continued to beg for her release. Unfortunately, she was unsuccessful. After her release, Lindhout tried to track down the woman to thank her but was unable to locate her.
The courage of this Muslim woman should perhaps be the standard we aspire to when we witness callous or bitter behaviour. We cannot always walk a mile in their shoes, but we can give them the benefit of the doubt before we pass judgment.
~ Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet
~ Michael Robert Dyet is also the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog.
~ Subscribe to Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka Things That Make Me Go Hmmm at its’ internet home www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog2. Instructions for subscribing are provided in the Subscribe to this Blog: How To instructions page in the right sidebar. If you’re reading this post on another social networking site, come back regularly to my page for postings once a week.
Many of you will have heard the news of the eleven year old Mississauga girl who was found dead at her father’s residence in Brampton this week. It was heartbreaking incident that shocked the communities involved. The father has since been charged in relation to her death.
But a secondary story has emerged from the incident. Police had issued a late night amber alert when the father failed to return the girl to her mother as scheduled. As you may know, the technology now exists for amber alerts to automatically sound on some mobile devices. The late night alert resulted in some complaints to police about being disturbed at a late hour.
These complaints, once reported in the media, provoked an outcry of indignation from many people through various channels including social media. I participated in that outcry.
In situations such as this, we often wish we could confront the individuals involved, shake them and ask: What is wrong with you?! But upon further reflection, it occurs to me that the individual’s reaction – perhaps spoken, but more likely in the silence of their hearts – might be: Walk a mile in my shoes and then decide if you have the right to condemn me.
Let me be clear. I do not condone the behaviour of these people. But I am compelled to seek an explanation for it. It is my belief that we are all born innocent with minds and souls that are a clean slate. It is the things that happen to us, and the nature of the people who encounter, particularly in our formative years, that define who we will grow up to be.
None of us get through life unscathed. We all have stuff that we have to find our way through and come to terms with in our own way. But some people have terrible things happen to them that scar them for life. Their reaction to everything that happens thereafter is coloured and shaped by that experience.
So perhaps a better question to ask would be: What has happened in your life to make you so bitter and callous? And if we had the courage, admittedly I do not know if I would, to also ask: Is there anything I can do to help you?
It brings to mind a keynote presentation I heard a few years back from Amanda Lindhout. While working as a freelance journalist in Somalia in 2008, she was kidnapped and held for ransom for 15 months by insurgents – suffering considerable abuse over that time.
At one point, she escaped from the building she was held in and ran to a nearby mosque. Her kidnappers were hot on her heels. The occupants of the mosque were too frightened to help as the kidnappers entered.
But a Muslim woman outside the mosque saw what was happening. She entered and pleaded with the kidnappers to let Lindhout go. The kidnappers pushed her aside and began to drag Lindhout out by her heels. Undeterred, the Muslin woman threw herself on Lindhout, clung to her and continued to beg for her release. Unfortunately, she was unsuccessful. After her release, Lindhout tried to track down the woman to thank her but was unable to locate her.
The courage of this Muslim woman should perhaps be the standard we aspire to when we witness callous or bitter behaviour. We cannot always walk a mile in their shoes, but we can give them the benefit of the doubt before we pass judgment.
~ Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet
~ Michael Robert Dyet is also the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog.
~ Subscribe to Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka Things That Make Me Go Hmmm at its’ internet home www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog2. Instructions for subscribing are provided in the Subscribe to this Blog: How To instructions page in the right sidebar. If you’re reading this post on another social networking site, come back regularly to my page for postings once a week.
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