Dueling with the Mad Hatter of Software

Hmmm, do my software programs really need daily updates or is there an endless tea party in the rabbit hole at the bottom of my screen?

A prompt box pops up at the bottom of the screen practically every time I fire up my computer. "Look at me! Look at me!", it begs, announcing that an update is available for one of my

software programs – Adobe, Flash, Java and so on.

I tend to drop kick the prompt box off the screen the first couple of times because, quite frankly, it annoys me. But ignoring it isn't particularly effective. Half an hour later it's back again like a pesky mosquito buzzing in my ear.

I can't help but wonder if all of these updates are really necessary. What if I simply choose not to acknowledge them? Would my software programs go into self-destruct mode a la

Mission Impossible? Would my hard drive cough, sputter and go into seizures?

Eventually, of course, I give in and run the updates. Often, the installation wizard runs its mandatory lap in only a minute or two. I'm half inclined to believe that nothing is

actually happening. Just smoke and mirrors to make me believe that the software company is working around the clock to provide me with critical updates.

I'm tempted to keep ignoring the prompts for days on end to see what consequences, if any, my inaction brings. Or start the update and stop it halfway through each time. I

like the idea, however farfetched, that someone at the software company might be getting an annoying notice on his computer each time I rebel. Turnabout is

fair play, after all.

At the heart of my discontent is the fact that I have no idea what really goes on inside mycomputer. Is there a furious, non-stop sequence of electrical impulses racing along a million microscopic pathways? Or could it be (conspiracy theory time) that the inside is actually a hollow shell and that my every keystroke sends a spark through miles of cable to Bill Gates fortress of solitude and world domination?

I'll be honest. My computer and I don't have a particularly good relationship. I want it to be simple, fast and trouble free. Doesn't seem like much to ask. But it insists on being mysterious and unintelligible. Just this minute I hit some key by mistake and the page zoomed to 150% of its original size! I suspect the Intel Core microchip is having a good belly laugh at my expense.

But I digress. My original rant was about those constant software update prompts that live in a rabbit hole at the bottom of my screen. The Mad Hatter of software seems to

have taken up permanent residence there.

Speak of the devil. The Java update prompt is blinking again! I don't even know what Java is nor do I want to – unless its free coffee.

I am loath to admit it but this "Update me now! Update me now!" chorus is a rather apt metaphor for the high tech times we live in. The technology warlords have decreed that nothing is to stay the same for more than a day. Planned obsolescence is their sacred creed.

I'll keep on ignoring the update prompts the first few times they appear on principle alone. It's a small victory, I know. But I like to think of it as a form of passive resistance. So go away Java update. Today is not your day.

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of "Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel" – double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael's website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .

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