Failing an exam but not in life !

I was in standard nine when I failed in one subject. I had failed in physics. My crush at that time had also failed in physics.

Lol. I was happy we had failed together. And the next moment I was guilt tripping. It was the most disgusting feeling, i had ever tasted.

I cried, no one gave a rat’s fart about it. I had never seen failure in an exam. This put me in a place I had never been before. I was an average student, the kind who never gets to be in the 20 or the bottom 20, but floats along in each class.

I cried in class that day, because I saw that the other one who failed also cried. I was stuck there in no man’s land. It was the first ever time I was dealing with failure.

I could not face my mom, I could not face my best friend. All bravado had gone from my face.

What compounded the problem was that the marks cards had to be signed by parents. I had all kinds of relatives home that week. And I had to get it signed.Period.

I remember setting up the stage, after a good dinner, two days later, I whispered to my mom, “I failed in physics”. I expected a slap, a trashing, beating scenes - she became sad is all. She told me - “ So, what next? “. I will study harder and score well- I muttered.

I felt bad, having to see her sad.

The marks card came to all of us. I remember sitting next to my class teacher, telling her that my relatives were there and - “Can I not take the marks card. I will get it signed later”.

She looked at me and I knew the answer.

When all of the relatives slept, i crept to my bag, got it signed from mom and making a promise to never come across such a situation again...

Looking back at it, years after that incident.

I am happy that I failed.It taught me that accepting failure has no short cuts.

I am proud that I did not forge signatures, shared my failures with people in my family.

I understood that is okay to fail. The world shall not end with one failure.

And most of all, I found a fire that I never knew existed within me. The F word in red on my marks card had awoken a deep desire to make myself proud of me.

I realised , I was much more bigger than a failed subject.

I never failed an exam again, I never had examination fear later on. I was always prepared for every exam. And every test that came in life.

Why Am I sharing this now

(After like 10 years)

Over the last few years

I have seen people at the top crumble and get crushed with depression and sadness. Mulling over defeats rather than thinking of “What next?”.

The Indian exams see so many of students not making it through the exams. It cripples them so hard that so many of them commit/try to commit suicide/think of ending their life.

They cannot share these feelings with friends, family or relatives.

Because there is always a fear of being ridiculed, humiliation and most of all suffering from guilt.

Because we instinctively are bred to consider failure as weak and incompetent.

Well it took me 10 years to write it away on paper and send it to 500 people as a broadcast message.

Tell kids that “ failing an exam is not amounting to failing in life.”

But also tell them that being unprepared for an exam is sheer stupidity.

There are ways to handle depression, sadness and most of all, learn from failure and recuperate themselves mentally.

Share this story amongst kids you know, their parents- so that we may not lives to exams.