Map to the Land of Well
February smacked me in the face, hitting me squarely between the eyes and sending shockwaves to my brain to communicate this angry, urgent message: Get a grip on your routine! Don’t you know the holidays are over? Don’t you know how much you have to do?
While many people have spearheaded ambitious goals for the year, begun and already given up, or perhaps already forgotten what they committed to, I am in the special category of having the most ambitious of intentions that have stayed dormant, fermenting until turning noxious. After the delirium of Christmas, the fog of eating too much cheese, the wondrous delight of losing track of what day it is, a dangerous root has taken hold of me. My mental health has taken a familiar, downward tilt.
Perhaps it is the dark, short days.
Perhaps it is the apocalyptic cold.
Perhaps it is my busy class and work schedule.
Perhaps it is my ongoing family responsibilities.
Perhaps it is the overwhelming crush of feeling perpetually behind.
Perhaps it is me.
Perhaps it just is.
On a recent bad day, I watched every Netflix episode of a show featuring the famous Marie Kondo’s tidying up method. She repeats the question all of us who haven’t even read the book recognize as her mantra: Does this spark joy?
I balk a little. My slippery days and mountain of to-dos do not spark joy; I cannot hold them to my chest, thank them, and throw them away with the trash. But I am no stranger to joy either, and I want a map to get back to the land of well.
After talking with my therapist and consulting with a friend who is an expert goal-achiever, I came up with a plan. I made a list of small, daily habits—some I used to do, some that are new—to get back into a routine. A routine is all I ask for right now. Through a routine, I hope to develop the habits that will make space for joy.
I am starting small, with manageable steps like wash my face each night. Then, I will gradually add in my heavier goals like write every morning. I scavenged the internet for a mini calendar with landscapes from Ireland, a place that inspires me. Think of a rewards chart, but for adults. I bought some ridiculous, joy-sparking stickers of mermaids and unicorns to help motivate tracking each habit. I placed some of my favorite poems and quotes and pictures above my desk. Even though the mountain feels like a mountain, a sticker is just a sticker, and I know there will be more difficult days ahead where I don’t feel up to the challenge, I feel for the first time in a while that I can do this.
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