"Why aren't you a serial killer?"
Someone asked me that the other day, having found out about my coffee drinking habits. They seemed to think it was odd enough to justify my inclusion in a mental asylum for the criminally insane. Homicidal maniacs do tend to have their funny little ways, so I’m told.
I have three methods of making coffee at home:
1. Cafetière
2. Coffee machine
3. Instant coffee
I like all three, so how am I supposed to decide between them?
Well, here’s what I do…(and I should probably add that I have 5 coffees a day and I try to have them as close to 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm and 7pm as possible)…as I walk into the kitchen to make a coffee I will glance at the digital clock on the cooker. If the last number (the minute number) is 1, 4 or 7, I’ll have a cafetière. If it’s 2, 5 or 8 I’ll have a cup of instant. If it’s 3, 6 or 9 I’ll use the coffee machine.
So, if I walk into the kitchen at 7:04 in the morning, I’ll be starting the day with a cafetière. Perfectly normal.
You’re probably wondering, what about “0”? Easy, I just move one digit to the left. So I might not get chance to have my lunchtime cup until 13.20; in which case I’m having a cup of instant.
You might even be thinking, “but what if G.A. Milnthorpe is in a rush? Surely he doesn’t have time for a cafetière bearing in mind that he probably sets a timer to make sure he brews the coffee for the exact time it says on the packet?” Again, don’t worry about me, I’m not crazy. All I do in that situation is apply an exemption whereby I swap the time-consuming cafetière for a rather quicker machinated cappuccino. Later in the day, when a 3, 6 or 9 pops up I would then have a cafetière, mindful of the earlier exemption and therefore restoring order to the Universe.
Most of this I can do in the quietness of my own mind….although it does get difficult when I go to other people’s houses…
So there you go, perfectly normal.
The people of Suffolk are safe...at least for now.
But if you do happen to think this is odd…just wait until I tell you how I choose cups, shirts, CDs, jumpers, toothbrush head attachments, reading material, films, running routes….I think that’s it…no hang on, shoes, pants, glasses, breakfast cereal, which weights to do, TV programmes, food from a menu, hats….and maybe a few more.
I have three methods of making coffee at home:
1. Cafetière
2. Coffee machine
3. Instant coffee
I like all three, so how am I supposed to decide between them?
Well, here’s what I do…(and I should probably add that I have 5 coffees a day and I try to have them as close to 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm and 7pm as possible)…as I walk into the kitchen to make a coffee I will glance at the digital clock on the cooker. If the last number (the minute number) is 1, 4 or 7, I’ll have a cafetière. If it’s 2, 5 or 8 I’ll have a cup of instant. If it’s 3, 6 or 9 I’ll use the coffee machine.
So, if I walk into the kitchen at 7:04 in the morning, I’ll be starting the day with a cafetière. Perfectly normal.
You’re probably wondering, what about “0”? Easy, I just move one digit to the left. So I might not get chance to have my lunchtime cup until 13.20; in which case I’m having a cup of instant.
You might even be thinking, “but what if G.A. Milnthorpe is in a rush? Surely he doesn’t have time for a cafetière bearing in mind that he probably sets a timer to make sure he brews the coffee for the exact time it says on the packet?” Again, don’t worry about me, I’m not crazy. All I do in that situation is apply an exemption whereby I swap the time-consuming cafetière for a rather quicker machinated cappuccino. Later in the day, when a 3, 6 or 9 pops up I would then have a cafetière, mindful of the earlier exemption and therefore restoring order to the Universe.
Most of this I can do in the quietness of my own mind….although it does get difficult when I go to other people’s houses…
So there you go, perfectly normal.
The people of Suffolk are safe...at least for now.
But if you do happen to think this is odd…just wait until I tell you how I choose cups, shirts, CDs, jumpers, toothbrush head attachments, reading material, films, running routes….I think that’s it…no hang on, shoes, pants, glasses, breakfast cereal, which weights to do, TV programmes, food from a menu, hats….and maybe a few more.
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