It's been a while ...

It's been a while since my last confession ... hang on, scrap that. It's been a while since my last post. Now that the school holidays are over, and we are slipping into a new routine, I'll be back to posting here semi-regularly. I'm not sure how often yet, because while I love to blog, I don't want to bore or annoy people with too many posts. And it's hard to gauge what people think as I see the visitor's stats, but I hear no feedback; so somedays it feels like I'm shouting into the void.

There's a lot to post about but tonight I just wanted to check in, chase the wildlife out, and freshen up the place a bit. I trust that you are all well?

I do have my latest piece to share here. It's a little different, in some ways, and won't be everyone's cup of tea. During the worst part of my breakdown, there was just so much noise in my head, between the flashbacks, the voices of ghosts past, etc and there were days when I just was holding on to the remnants of my sanity by a bare thread. In those moments I would ponder whether it was worth hanging on to my sanity, or whether I should just let go of everything and see where that would take me.

So the poem came to me on one of those days, and has sat in my files, marinating. The piece is a little jarring, a little messy, in some respects to give just an inkling of madness to it.
























It may not be a great literary piece but it was something that I needed to write, and that I needed to share with others. Perhaps for understanding; perhaps in the hope that it would resonate with others.

People talk of losing their minds, but many people don't really know what it's like when that happens. And when I found myself in that state it took every inch of strength to hold on to what remained of my sanity - and some days I wondered why I was holding on so tightly.

People think I'm exaggerating when I talk of losing my sanity (although certain people in my life have also been quick to call me crazy in the past); but it was no exaggeration. It was a lonely, painful, frightening place to find myself.

Writing out the feelings helped a little; sharing it helped a little more. I don't plan on staying silent, even if it makes other people more comfortable. And so I stand here, sharing a peek into the madness, and hoping it doesn't chase you all away.

Goodnight.