Coping with Death !
I recently attended two funerals in one week. One was of a close relative while the other one was of a distant one. While one death was unexpected, the one of my close relative, we were prepared for, or so we thought.
The doctors had informed us that it was a matter of time before he would breathe his last. He expired 15 days later. Two years of Surgery and radiation sittings later the family knew that it was not going to be the same again. It was a terminal illness, but no amount of warnings, either direct or indirect,prepared us for the inevitable.
While both people who expired left behind their families, the one suffering from the terminal illness also left behind his mother, aged 90. This is also significant because he was divorced at least 25 years ago and has a daughter who refuses to meet him for reasons unknown. He had single handedly taken care of his mother until his last breath and we were scared how she will cope with this development. Informing her about her Son’s death was the most daunting task. When everyone was still thinking how to break the news to her, I volunteered to inform her but developed cold feet as soon as I approached her. Seeing this, my father took the initiative and told her about the loss in a matter of fact tone, subtly and with limited emotion. In response she only had a look of surprise, her eyes wide open. A moment of silence later there were no tears, just memories that trickled. I think she knew even before we told her. To hear her talk about how he had taken care of her for more than 25 years choked me but I couldn’t give in. She was tougher than I thought, her mind and memories still very strong.
Couple of days later I attended the funeral meet. The person they had to talk about was an introvert and his conversation with most people present at the funeral were very limited. As some of his close family members spoke about him and narrated a few incidents from the past, I realized that sometimes you find out more about a person after he / she is gone, rather than when they are alive and known to you for years. It is funny because you think you knew the person but you only really know the person when they are gone. I have also noticed that people at a funeral talk about stuff they would not have uttered if that person were alive. Mostly good stuff. Once I asked my father — why is it that only good things are spoken about of a person after his death — to which he responded that it is because the dead can’t defend themselves if someone were to churn out bad memories.
Death is inevitable but liberating. It liberates you from the worldly things and let’s you be. Rest in peace as they say!. However , can someone rest in peace if his biggest wish remains unfulfilled. We won’t know until we are dead ourselves but just the thought makes our heart sink. His last wish was to meet his daughter once but by the time she decided to meet him he was not in a position to speak or understand. He was unconscious. His last wish was not fulfilled. Life can be very cruel sometimes but so can be death. Yearning for something for your entire life and eventually seeing it getting out of your grasp is hard to digest but sometimes that is life.
Was his death really liberating? I doubt it was.
I never believed in rebirth before but now I do. Maybe there is a rebirth, maybe there is life after death, Maybe the circle of life does not complete itself in a single life. Maybe he is already alive somewhere, hopefully at a happier place.
