Reading The Amazing Spider-Man: Issue Number Eight Part Two
It's time to share Reading The Amazing Spider-Man with all of you! In each installment, I explore how to build a storyworld franchise and execute great serial storytelling by examining one of the most enduring story franchises of the last fifty years: The Amazing Spider-Man, issue by issue, from the beginning until number five hundred.
This time around, we finish up issue number eight with the "surprise extra" story (not much of a surprise if you happened to, you know, read the cover the comicbook), "Spider-Man Tackles the Human Torch!" Since there's only five pages of story in this back-up feature, the splash page isn't the usual "movie poster" variety and things get going straight away. We will, too!
Synopsis
Spider-Man is literally hanging out, somewhat creepily concealed behind a wall, across the street from the suburban home of Doris Evans, the girlfriend of Johnny Storm (otherwise known as the pyromorphic super-hero, the Human Torch.) Spider-Man's intentions are… disturbing:
While I'm in the neighborhood, I'll pay her a visit and show her what she's missing by not dating Spider-Man!
So… how is it that Spider-Man knows where Doris Evans lives? Has he been stalking her..? Isn't he interested in Betty Brant? What the hell..?
Anyway, while Spider-Man is creeping around, Johnny Storm arrives in a fancy sports car. It seems there's going to be a little party. Once all the kids are inside, Spider-Man slinks outside the window like a peeping Tom. He sees Johnny inside, making groovy shapes in the air out of his flame, and Spider-Man can't stand it. His thoughts reveal that he thinks Johnny is "a flaming phony" for showing off.
Don't forget, a few issues ago, the amazing Spider-Man was so moved by an inspirational speech given by the Human Torch he went out of his way to find him and shake his hand in gratitude. What caused the extreme shift away from such a powerful respect?
Jealous and spiteful, Spider-Man makes an aerodynamically fit giant bat out of webbing and tosses it into the house, where the Human Torch is using his "infra-red glowing power" to light up the go-go dancing gals at the party. The kids freak out, but Johnny suspects something — and when he swats the bat with a pillow, it collapses, draping him in sticky webbing.
Enter Spider-Man to take the credit. Everything about him — his tone, his body language — reeks of arrogance. The kids are instantly, vocally against him… and Spider-Man's reaction is to take a bow and invite himself to the party.
Johnny Storm tells him very directly that he's not invited. Spider-Man compares him to Daily Bugle publisher J. Jonah Jameson, which is apparently what serves as fighting words for Johnny. He flames on, and the two of them take to the skies, eventually settling on a nearby beach to duke it out.
Spider-Man starts off strong by throwing two big web-buckets full of sand into the Human Torch, but it isn't long before he's dangerously outclassed by his fiery rival. Dodging buzz-saws and nets made of flame, Spider-Man thinks:
Whew! I guess I'd better just call it a draw and cut out of here! I didn't expect that human matchstick to get so angry!!
Yeah, um, when you're getting your tights roasted by the other guy and you're thinking of running away… that's not something you can call "a draw."
Before Spider-Man can get to his feet, he looks up and sees… Mister Fantastic! The Invisible Girl! The rocky Thing! Hey hey, the entire Fantastic Four are here! What are they doing on this beach randomly chosen by the Human Torch and the amazing Spider-Man? Who cares? Don't ask silly questions, man!
Mister Fantastic graciously extends a hand to help Spider-Man up… and gets webbed up for his trouble. Paranoid ass that he is (at least in this story!) Spider-Man freaks out, thinking they're all there to laugh at him. He declares that he'll "clobber you all!" and proceeds to try, despite Mister Fantastic's exasperated plea:
No one's laughing at you, you fool! Stop!! Don't force us to get rough!
Right before the Thing lays what would undoubtedly be a crippling haymaker on Spider-Man, the Invisible Girl yanks him out of the way and pins him to the ground. She insists Spider-Man and the Human Torch bury the hatchet, but neither one will have anything to do with that. Spider-Man slinks off, but not before whining that Sue Storm, the Invisible Girl, is the only thing good about the Fantastic Four.
Thoughts On Issue Eight Part Two of The Amazing Spider-Man
Wow. Just… wow.
In the last installment, I called "The Terrible Threat of the Living Brain!" essentially a filler story. But this… this! This is pure filler, and even more poorly done.
The Spider-Man we're presented with here bears very little resemblance to the likable scamp we saw in issue number seven. This guy is a real whiny jerk — much more like the presentation of the character in the first few issues of the comicbook. He's narcissistic, arrogant, full of entitlement issues and prone to angry tantrums when he's offended or doesn't get his way. What happened?
Say it with me, gang: this story is filler… and worse, it's likely filler that had been sitting on the shelf for months, so it's way out of continuity. Let's just pretend it didn't happen. Call it an issue of What If…? "What if Spider-Man Used His Powers To Stalk Women and Pick Fights He Can't Possibly Win..?"
Granted, they probably didn't care so much about such things in 1963, but as creators interested in crafting internally consistent and durable storyworlds for our story franchises, we should take note. Sure, if you're creating any kind of serial narrative, circumstances might demand you throw a little filler / stop-gap content in the mix now and then. Even so, make sure you give that content — stuff that may have been created long ago, or by someone outside of the usual circle of creators — a once-over to make sure it slots neatly into the current story. Or, heck, if you can't do that, frame it with a dream sequence or something so no one takes it seriously or wonders why you don't care about your property any more.
I'm not so big on the current monthly comicbooks these days, but maybe you can tell me: does Marvel or DC get away with such carelessness anymore? Or is everything planned out so far in advance in this era of mega-arcs that there's no room for filler? Let me know in the comments!
The Amazing Spider-Man number eight part two
"Spider-Man Tackles the Human Torch!"
Cover Date: December, 1963
Script: Stan Lee
Pencils: Jack Kirby
Inks: Steve Ditko
Letters: S. Rosen
Join Me In Reading The Amazing Spider-Man
Click the cover to buy the first twenty issues of The Amazing Spider-Man in an inexpensive trade paperback from Barnes & Noble Booksellers:
Your purchase helps support this series and all my creative endeavors — thanks!
Matthew Wayne Selznick - Telling stories with words, music, pictures and people.
