“I was the only black girl in my sorority. I don’t even know...

“I was the only black girl in my sorority.  I don’t even know why I rushed.  I think I was inspired by ‘Saved By The Bell: The College Years.’  I pictured sleepovers, and nail painting, and close friends that you could share secrets with.  I imagined that once you became a sister, these things would just materialize.  But it doesn’t really work like that.  My pledge name was Eeyore.  I didn’t talk much.  I didn’t smile.  I always assumed people were thinking negative things, about my weight, or my clothes, or my hair.  I joined the sorority to feel like part of a community, but I mainly just felt black.  One time my sisters tried to set me up with the one black guy at another fraternity.  And once I was wearing a French maid’s costume, and somebody asked if I was Aunt Jemima.  I couldn’t seem to make any close friends.  Nobody really included me in things, or opened up to me.  And I always attributed it to my race.  It’s what I always assumed.  But now I’m not so sure.  Maybe I could have been more social.  Maybe I could have made more of an effort.  People don’t automatically want to spend time with you, and I wasn’t the friendliest person.  So it’s hard to tell: what was race, and what was me.”