The Ninja Nod-off

(It's guest post week at SCL since my wife and I are in Vietnam!  Today's is from Noah Albrecht and it's illustrated! It's like SCL the graphic novel. Noah is a web designer on the Dave Ramsey Team. Check out his blog or follow him on Twitter.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL,here's how!)

The Ninja Nod-off. By- Noah Albrecht

Okay, raise your hands if you've ever experienced a Sunday morning sermon that didn't quite meet your conscious needs.

We've all been there once or twice.

Let me break down a scenario for you:

You roll into pre-church fellowship, fill your belly with coffee and some obscure pastry that you can't pronounce. Worship starts. After about 3 songs and a 20 minute hands-in-the-air version of "How Great is Our God," you settle into your seat. At this point, the morning announcements and prayer requests start.

Then, it happens. The sermon on the entire Book of Numbers kicks in.

Unbeknownst to you, a prayer for the bold Sumatra roast and not the Folger's decaf should've been in the prayer request mix somewhere. You slowly feel like your eyelids have ten pound weights attached to them. You start breathing heavy, and then…bam…you're out. When I mean out, I mean like Mike Tyson-uppercut-to-the-jaw, not the lower ear, out.

Your spouse, loved one, friend or neighbor gives you the elbow nudge. If it's your spouse, the nudge probably has a bit more body weight behind it. When I say that, I mean like a Shaq-throwing-an-elbow-during-a-rebound-in-game 7-of-the-NBA-playoffs type of body weight nudge. (Did I really just have 12 hyphens in a single sentence?)

You wake up with half the church glaring at you as if you left your iPhone's "Lady Gaga" ringtone on high. Even if that was the case, they wouldn't have even  heard the ringtone (or the sermon for that matter) because you were slumbering tenderly like that adorable lamb they use in church logos.

Okay, sometimes we can't help this. But if it does happen again, how can we prevent it the next time?

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you "The Ninja Nod-off":

 

The key to this entire approach is holding your Bible. If you do fall asleep, you'll drop it and that will wake you back up immediately, like a theological alarm system. And nobody judges the guy who drops his Bible. He was getting so deep into the word that the Bible accidentally fell out of his hands. You'll look holy and wake back up all at the same time. Win-win.

Know this: I don't subscribe to falling asleep during church sermons. But, if it does happen, I hope this handy-dandy diagram comes in handy. You're welcome.

So, anyone out there guilty of being a sermon sleeper? Fess up, you're amongst friends.

 

(Check out Noah's blog or follow him on Twitter for more great stuff!)