Connotation vs. Denotation
Recently I came across some confusion about the difference between the denotation of a word, meaning its dictionary definition, and its connotation, meaning all the baggage it carries around with it. The word was cockblock, and several men on Twitter were insisting that it did not have a negative meaning, because it simply means anything that prevents two people from having sex. Your girlfriend’s parents come home unexpectedly? Cockblock. Your five-year-old wakes up while you’re trying to have sexytimes with your wife? Cockblock. A girl’s friend wants to leave so she has to stop dancing with you? Cockblock.
The problem is, that’s not all it means. If it were just about getting in the way of having sex, one would expect women to complain about being pussyblocked. Some of the men in my mentions did claim that they had female friends who would complain about getting cockblocked, but I’ve never heard pussyblock used as a word—and while my spellchecker recognizes “cockblock” and “cockblocked” as legitimate English construction, the same cannot be said for “pussyblock.”
The problem here is the connotation. The connotation is that cockblocking is a bad thing. A dude who stops a rapist isn’t going to be called a cockblock, except perhaps by the rapist himself, frustrated at being denied. Why then is someone who rescues her drunk friend from unwanted attention given the label? The drunk friend probably wasn’t going home with you anyway, and if she was, that would be rape. An intoxicated person is incapable of giving consent.
Along with this negative connotation comes all the baggage of toxic masculinity. Cockblocking is a bad thing because dudes have a God-given right to sex. If they didn’t have said right, why would they get upset at someone preventing them from getting laid? If I have $5, and you want to borrow it, but instead I spend it on a burger, or just leave it in my wallet, it would be rather ridiculous to get angry about that. It’s my money. I can spend it however I want. Same with my body. If you’re chatting me up, but my friend comes over and I decide I want to talk to her instead, that’s my choice.
Connotation is such a powerful force it can change the denotation of a word. Gay used to mean happy before it was adopted by the homosexual community. People saw homosexuality as a bad thing, so the word took on a negative connotation; now it is used to refer to anything bad, regardless of association with homosexuality. People even say they have nothing against homosexuals while persisting in using the word “gay” to mean “bad,” i.e. “That deck is so gay.” (As an aside, don’t do this. By doing so you’re perpetuating the implication that gayness is itself something to be condemned.)
Another victim of denotation change due to connotation is the word “awful.” It used to be synonymous with “awesome”—something that inspires awe. It took on a negative connotation, referring more and more to things that are awe-inspiringly bad. Now it only carries that meaning.
Cockblock might mean anything that gets in the way of sex, but it’s used primarily as an insult. Because of this, regardless of intention, calling someone a cockblock is by nature insulting. Insulting someone implies they’ve done something wrong—that removing a friend from an uncomfortable situation is inherently wrong.
Understanding the connotation of a word is critical in writing. You might want to say that your character smirked because they’re smiling in a self-satisfied manner, but the implication to your readers is that this character is something of an asshole. If that’s not the impression you want to give, consider using a different word.
And for the love of the gods of copybook headings, let’s retire “cockblock” from our vocabulary for good.
The problem is, that’s not all it means. If it were just about getting in the way of having sex, one would expect women to complain about being pussyblocked. Some of the men in my mentions did claim that they had female friends who would complain about getting cockblocked, but I’ve never heard pussyblock used as a word—and while my spellchecker recognizes “cockblock” and “cockblocked” as legitimate English construction, the same cannot be said for “pussyblock.”
The problem here is the connotation. The connotation is that cockblocking is a bad thing. A dude who stops a rapist isn’t going to be called a cockblock, except perhaps by the rapist himself, frustrated at being denied. Why then is someone who rescues her drunk friend from unwanted attention given the label? The drunk friend probably wasn’t going home with you anyway, and if she was, that would be rape. An intoxicated person is incapable of giving consent.
Along with this negative connotation comes all the baggage of toxic masculinity. Cockblocking is a bad thing because dudes have a God-given right to sex. If they didn’t have said right, why would they get upset at someone preventing them from getting laid? If I have $5, and you want to borrow it, but instead I spend it on a burger, or just leave it in my wallet, it would be rather ridiculous to get angry about that. It’s my money. I can spend it however I want. Same with my body. If you’re chatting me up, but my friend comes over and I decide I want to talk to her instead, that’s my choice.
Connotation is such a powerful force it can change the denotation of a word. Gay used to mean happy before it was adopted by the homosexual community. People saw homosexuality as a bad thing, so the word took on a negative connotation; now it is used to refer to anything bad, regardless of association with homosexuality. People even say they have nothing against homosexuals while persisting in using the word “gay” to mean “bad,” i.e. “That deck is so gay.” (As an aside, don’t do this. By doing so you’re perpetuating the implication that gayness is itself something to be condemned.)
Another victim of denotation change due to connotation is the word “awful.” It used to be synonymous with “awesome”—something that inspires awe. It took on a negative connotation, referring more and more to things that are awe-inspiringly bad. Now it only carries that meaning.
Cockblock might mean anything that gets in the way of sex, but it’s used primarily as an insult. Because of this, regardless of intention, calling someone a cockblock is by nature insulting. Insulting someone implies they’ve done something wrong—that removing a friend from an uncomfortable situation is inherently wrong.
Understanding the connotation of a word is critical in writing. You might want to say that your character smirked because they’re smiling in a self-satisfied manner, but the implication to your readers is that this character is something of an asshole. If that’s not the impression you want to give, consider using a different word.
And for the love of the gods of copybook headings, let’s retire “cockblock” from our vocabulary for good.
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