Tallying Comments in Relief Society
[image error]I talk a lot. In fact, my anxiety disorder (GAD) manifests itself primarily through compulsive talking. Also, I have worked as a college teacher for decades.
Consequently, I have to create systems in order to check myself. For example, when I’m in small group settings, I often keep tally sheets to ensure that I’m not making more comments than the average person.
I do this when I’m in Relief Society. I decided that I can make two comments of reasonable length. If there are 20 women in the class, and everyone makes 2 comments at 30 seconds each, that would take 20 minutes of class time for just comments. That doesn’t even count the teacher’s lesson.
Sometimes I get carried away during announcements and make silly comments. Oops. Then I have to sit on my hands the rest of the class period.
When I served as a teacher in Relief Society, I would worry that I was droning on too long or that more reserved sisters were not sharing their thoughts with the whole class. Consequently, I would often break up the class into groups of 3 or 4 sisters per group. That way, more people had the chance to comment. And when we reunited into one big class discussion, sometimes the more outgoing sisters would paraphrase for the whole group the insights expressed by the reserved sisters during small group time.
Making the ratio of comments overt can be a shock to class participants.
Once when I was living in Wichita, the teacher gave a lesson on the body of Christ and the value of the individual. At the start of class, she passed out silk, long-stemmed roses to all of the sister and explained that before anyone can make a second comment, each sister has the invitation to make a comment. As each sister spoke, the teacher collected the roses and put them in a vase that was on the table at the front of the room. The resulting bouquet of pink roses helped illustrate the concept of individual contributions.
One of the sisters who usually makes five or more comments was not happy. She said nothing until class concluded. She then went up the front and threw the rose on the table and said to the teacher, “Well, I feel as though you just muzzled me.”
But more ten or more women made comments that week when the norm was for five or fewer women to make all of the comments. It was particularly warming to hear from a sister who was widowed and recently serving as a full-time caregiver to her sister. Carolyn had a lot of gospel insights, but she needed a strong invitation to comment. I know that my hand often goes up before the teacher even finishes posing her question. Other sisters need two or three seconds of silence before they will raise their hands. Also, some sisters will comment if they are giving silence to write down their thoughts before the teacher invites discussion.
Granted, sometimes sisters sitting next to me wonder why I’m making tally marks on the back of my sacrament meeting program. It’s weird, but it keeps me from taking up more than my fair share of “air space.” I end up learning a lot more about the sisters in my ward and about their views of the gospel if I consciously make note of comments.
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