Interdimensional Unboxing

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A box arrived today from another dimension. It landed on my doormat, sizzling in the key of G and covered with a thin decaying film of super-granulated quarks.

The box looked harmless enough, but I squirted anyway it with a special spray I use to stop boundary wolves from chewing at the furniture. Boundary wolves like to think they’re the guardians of the cosmos, but answer me this: would the guardians of the cosmos really lick their own ring-a-dings?

I used a semi-molecular scalpel to open...