The Diary of Eleanor Hestenfield

[image error]After the events in Black Crystal in 6364, Eleanor Hestenfield escaped to E’ma Thalas. As she learned more about herself, she recorded her thoughts in a small journal.  

 

Season of Snows 6365 AOP

 It’s been a year now since I discovered my true nature and joined the Lycans. Abilene says it’s important that I continue to record my thoughts as I gain more and more control over my abilities. I don’t think this really helps, though, for there are times when I still find myself in the forest without knowing how I got there.

I have to say that the forests of E’ma Thalas are beautiful, especially as the leaves bud on the trees. The elves seem friendly enough, but they’re nothing like the people I knew in the Xaggarene Empire. I miss the Shadow Walkers, and I miss Timothy. As much as I hate to admit it, I even miss Justin on occasion.

I’ve sent Timothy several letters over the past year, but he hasn’t responded. I don’t think he will. Even the beauty of the snow falling onto the kinloth outside my window can’t lift my spirits. Its purple leaves remind me of the scarf Timothy bought for me one evening when we went to the theater. It had the same delicate pattern as the leaves on the tree, though they are almost covered in snow.

I wish I could see him again, if only for a moment, just to explain, to make him understand that I’m not the evil creature he thinks me to be. I think if he could see me, he could see that I’m still the same person I always was. The question is: would it make a difference to him? Would Timothy ever be able to see beyond the events of Black Crystal? Can he ever forgive me? Sometimes I wonder, and it makes my heart ache. Perhaps, it would’ve been better if Justin had killed me. At least then I could know peace.