Confessions for 2019

“A confession has to be part of your new life”. –Ludwig Wittgenstein.*

I’m very bad at resolutions. I almost never make them, and when I do make them, I never keep them. I remember one year I was very diligent about resolutions, and we had a big FHE about it and we all had our goals and we wrote them down, oh yes we wrote them down and then we even posted them to our fridge because posted things on the fridge are VERY IMPORTANT and then in April I took the slightly greasy/grimy piece of paper off of the fridge and threw it in the trash because none of us had changed much and it was making me tired and stressed just looking at it.

So there’s my first confession of 2019. I hate resolutions.

But I like the idea of progress coupled with the idea that you can not actually progress until you truly know who you are and feel accepted and loved exactly where you stand. That was a radical thought shared with my by a therapist, and I have never forgotten it. People don’t progress in therapy until they feel loved and accepted as exactly who they are in that moment. Which, incidentally, is also the definition of unconditional love and ALSO sort of fits exactly with the gospel of Jesus, but that might be another post entirely.

BUT in the interest of being accepted for who I am and also self reflection, I offer not resolutions to you for 2019, but some confessions, in the hope that in confessing them, I can put myself in the position of change.

(I’m not super hopeful about this idea, actually, but it’s a fun exercise, and I can’t wait to here y’alls confessions because it’s fun to reveal weird and crazy things about yourself and read crazy and weird things about other people, but I have to say please don’t get TOO crazy or TOO weird because at some level, this is still a family blog.)

So, for progress’ sake, here are some confessions:

1) I love McDonald’s apple pies. I mean, I like McDonald’s in general and it doesn’t help that there is one very near my work that almost never has a line, and they serve $1.00 32 oz Diet Cokes. But there are few things in this life more satisfying than a cold Diet Coke and a hot apple pie from McDonalds. Yes, yes, I KNOW I KNOW, you are shouting at the screen “THAT IS SO GROSS!” Please forgive me and accept me for who I am.

2)I hate walking my dog in the dark, and will go to great lengths to avoid it, even so far as to call my husband to come home early to walk the dog because I AM TOO SCARED TO WALK HIM BY MYSELF IN THE DARK IN OUR SUPER SAFE SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD. One time I even swore somebody was following me, because I kept hearing this weird ring tone and thought, “Surely only a murderer would have that kind of ring tone” and I seriously sprinted with my dog the last few yards back to my house because I was so freaked out. The ring tone turned out to be somebody practicing a brass instrument outside in our neighborhood somewhere, most likely a high school band student. (OR A MURDERER. You just can’t be too careful.) Also, you might think my very large 100 lb Labrador retriever would protect me in the event a murderer came to abduct and murder me, but trust me, my dog is super wussy. And also food motivated. He would either run away from the murderer or check the murderer’s pockets for snacks.

3) I am a super duper over the top animal lover and love all creatures, including even the less cute ones, like snakes and lizards and cool spiders and cool bugs, but oh how I hate cats. I’m allergic to them, which doesn’t help, but cats are the worst. It’s hard to admit that as a self-identified animal crazy person who has been known to demand her husband pull the car over so she can get out and pet a dog, and who currently has 5 pets in her house (two birds, two fish, and the above mentioned wussy lab dog) but it’s true. Sorry cat people. Don’t hate me.

4)I am obsessed with celebrity click bait. I stand in line at the grocery store and scoff at the headlines leering at me. Jennifer Aniston is moving in with Brad Pitt? Sandra Bullock is adopting twins? Whatever In Touch and Ok! magazine. I am not that stupid, thank you very much. But when my Apple news pushes a story on my iPhone or facebook feed about how Lindsey Lohan claims her girlfriend Samantha and she were “just friends”, I think “Really girl? That’s so not fetch!” and I click into it just to see how not fetch it was. Celebrities who were pregnant while filming TV or movies? Click click click. Top 10 actresses who everybody hates and will never work in Hollywood again? I NEED TO KNOW!!!

This one actually isn’t harmless. My clickbait habit opened doors for sneaky viruses and programs to invade my computer, and my husband tried to fix it and he called my computer a cesspool of swampiness. So in 2019 I will try to be more discerning about clicking through the TOP 10 WORST ACTRESSES IN HOLLYWOOD lists.

(BTW, Katherine Heigel is on, like, every single one of those lists. She must really be a nightmare.)

(Yes, maybe I’ve clicked through that headline a few times. One needs to compare research notes, after all. For accuracy.)

(Also, Tom Cruise supposedly has the lowest IQ in Hollywood. See all the things I learn? And now you know them too. You’re welcome.)

The rest of my confessions veer into the TMI area, and nobody wants that. So let’s hear it for 2019, and hit me with your best confessions so I can tell you that you are special just the way you are, ala Fred Rogers, and then maybe we can all go binge Frasier on Netflix for the third time in a row.

*I confess I had no idea who Ludwig Wittgenstein was when I put that in the post, it just sounded like a good quote. Apparently he’s like, some big philosopher. My husband was appalled at my ignorance.

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