The "POS"

Nora Roberts calls hers the POS — pile of shit. Jennifer Crusie calls her own the "Don'tLook Down" draft. Whatever you call your first draft, you know that it is not going to be your final draft, and quite possibly, not even remotely similar to it.

That's what I'm working on right now. That very first, very beginning, very rough first draft. For some it's the easiest thing to write. Some even claim that it nearly writes itself. And, yeah, I've experienced first drafts that have come quickly and easily. Not this one, though.

No, this one is like pulling teeth. And I can't even dump it and start something else. It's the third book of a series. It's the conclusion to all the excitement I've been building up for two books. This is IT.

So I'm slogging. I'm trying. I'm pulling every trick in the book to get this book off the ground. So far, it's dropping like a lead cannon ball.

But, there is a silver lining here — after writing for fifteen years and teaching writing for five, I am now capable of recognizing my own horrible writing and acknowledging it. Yes. The other day I spent the entire morning writing, took a break for lunch, and then reread what I'd written and knew that those pages would never, ever, ever seen the light of day. They needed to be deleted, fast. They were awful!

It used to be that all of my writing was fabulous. I would amaze myself at how wonderfully I could write — until I gave my work to my husband to read and he would say, "Huh?", or even better, "I can't believe you wrote this. It's horrible!" (always loving, always honest, that's why I had hubby read my work before anyone else). I would then go back to my computer, tinker with a word here and there, and proudly hand it back to him. He would skim it and say, "No. Start again." And I would, reluctantly deleting my beautiful words, knowing deep down in the pit of my stomach that he was right and I was not happy about it.

Now, luckily, I can recognize my own horrible writing for what it is. Before I even show it anyone else, I know that what I've written is terrible. Before anyone else has a chance to tell me to do so, I can delete and start all over, just as I did yesterday. Whew.

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