There's this really awesome thing called clothes. Maybe you wanna check it out sometime.
Okay, I just have to get this off my chest...I loved being a cheerleader in high school. LOVED it. And I was a cheerleader for all the right reasons, which was A. To meet boys, B. Dance at halftime, and C. Meet more boys.
The reason why I'm telling you this is because I want to cop to it before leading into the rest of the post, which was tipped off by a picture in one of my friend's Facebook feeds.
Photo Credit: Mike SjodinLike, WTF, cheerleaders. And not even cheerleaders...WTF, Organization That Decides On The Costume Choices For Cheerleaders.
I'm no prude. And I'm part of the feminist camp that believes that feminism is about the freedom to make your own choices vs. the freedom for me to tell my fellow sisters what I think those choices should be. But these costumes...you guys, this is ridiculous. I understand that NFL cheerleaders are meant to basically be just bouncy entertainment. I get it - though more on that in a minute - and to be fair, I wish the broadcasted games would show more of the cheerleading action, because frankly, it's the only part of the game that I truly enjoy. However, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THESE COSTUMES. Why are you even having them wear clothes? Why not just some white tassles and a purple g-string? Because you're making a mockery out of all of us. These look like cheerleader uniforms...if they had gotten stuck in the dryer on high for about seventeen days, or if you had mistakenly grabbed your 5-year-old niece's adorable Halloween costume instead. Isn't it kind of weird when the boots cover more skin than the entire costume combined? And it's November, right? As in, winter. These are not even seasonal!
And as I'm thinking/writing this, I'm trying to organize my thoughts, because I want to be clear: I'm not saying this as a judgement against these girls. These girls are great. And this isn't a bitter diatribe based on my own insecurities...you know, the kind where women try to knock other women down because they think it will somehow benefit them in any sort of way. These chicks are totally hot, and they may just motivate me to choose more chocolate-covered raisins over ice cream Snickers in the near future. But I do have a problem with where I see this going... Because right now, as this organization stands, these aren't cheerleaders. Cheerleading has had to fight long and hard over the last two decades to be recognized as a sport, and it is one - at the competition level, it is some hard-core, you-could-die-if-you-don't-do-this-right stuntman shiz. It might be a dance team, but I feel like...there should maybe be more dancing, yeah? Like, real dancing...the kind where you choreograph different moves to the beat and try out different tricks that do not primarily consist of hip-or-boob shaking. And then, I think, "glorified stripper troupe", but no...because strippers kind of give you a little bit more for your money, and they know some stuff, like how to climb a pole or do that weird thing where they lift and cross their legs in a way that looks like an optical illusion (I think it's the stripper shoes that does it...though I can't be sure, since the strippers up here in the north rely more on tricks like how to crush a beer can in between your buttocks and how to balance a lit cigarette on the top of your nipple and do a dance move without burning yourself in the process. TRUE STORIES.).
I guess my point is...if this is professional cheerleading, shouldn't there be a little bit more "professional" action going on? Like, shouldn't there be stunts or dancing that BLOW THE EFFIN' MIND?! Like if they were doing acrobatic stunts, I'd totally get it. I would look at those costumes and think, "Well, of course...wearing barely any clothes makes total sense when you're doing triple flips through the air. It's about aerodynamics!" Shouldn't we maybe stop relying so hard on the skimpy costumes as the main entertainment factor and focus a little bit more on "wowing" the crowd with...I don't know, actual talent? Because you gotta believe that these girls have it. They go through, like, 500 auditions to get on the team...they've gotta have more in their arsenal than just outstanding booty shaking skills, don't you think?
And what if...what if it's the key to winning? What if the cheerleaders started stepping up their game, and then the players were like, "WTF, those cheerleaders are showing us up!" (because that's how football players talk) and then they finally did something worth paying them millions of dollars for?
I know. The thought of the Vikings winning at anything is merely just a dream. But I guess, sometimes, that's what it's all about, here on An Amber-Colored Life. Dreaming. Changing the world... Dreaming of changing the world into a better place, for all people, even ones with names like "Mindy" who lists her abs as her best quality and cites "shopping" as her favorite hobby. Even those people.
Believe it.
The reason why I'm telling you this is because I want to cop to it before leading into the rest of the post, which was tipped off by a picture in one of my friend's Facebook feeds.
Photo Credit: Mike SjodinLike, WTF, cheerleaders. And not even cheerleaders...WTF, Organization That Decides On The Costume Choices For Cheerleaders. I'm no prude. And I'm part of the feminist camp that believes that feminism is about the freedom to make your own choices vs. the freedom for me to tell my fellow sisters what I think those choices should be. But these costumes...you guys, this is ridiculous. I understand that NFL cheerleaders are meant to basically be just bouncy entertainment. I get it - though more on that in a minute - and to be fair, I wish the broadcasted games would show more of the cheerleading action, because frankly, it's the only part of the game that I truly enjoy. However, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THESE COSTUMES. Why are you even having them wear clothes? Why not just some white tassles and a purple g-string? Because you're making a mockery out of all of us. These look like cheerleader uniforms...if they had gotten stuck in the dryer on high for about seventeen days, or if you had mistakenly grabbed your 5-year-old niece's adorable Halloween costume instead. Isn't it kind of weird when the boots cover more skin than the entire costume combined? And it's November, right? As in, winter. These are not even seasonal!
And as I'm thinking/writing this, I'm trying to organize my thoughts, because I want to be clear: I'm not saying this as a judgement against these girls. These girls are great. And this isn't a bitter diatribe based on my own insecurities...you know, the kind where women try to knock other women down because they think it will somehow benefit them in any sort of way. These chicks are totally hot, and they may just motivate me to choose more chocolate-covered raisins over ice cream Snickers in the near future. But I do have a problem with where I see this going... Because right now, as this organization stands, these aren't cheerleaders. Cheerleading has had to fight long and hard over the last two decades to be recognized as a sport, and it is one - at the competition level, it is some hard-core, you-could-die-if-you-don't-do-this-right stuntman shiz. It might be a dance team, but I feel like...there should maybe be more dancing, yeah? Like, real dancing...the kind where you choreograph different moves to the beat and try out different tricks that do not primarily consist of hip-or-boob shaking. And then, I think, "glorified stripper troupe", but no...because strippers kind of give you a little bit more for your money, and they know some stuff, like how to climb a pole or do that weird thing where they lift and cross their legs in a way that looks like an optical illusion (I think it's the stripper shoes that does it...though I can't be sure, since the strippers up here in the north rely more on tricks like how to crush a beer can in between your buttocks and how to balance a lit cigarette on the top of your nipple and do a dance move without burning yourself in the process. TRUE STORIES.).
I guess my point is...if this is professional cheerleading, shouldn't there be a little bit more "professional" action going on? Like, shouldn't there be stunts or dancing that BLOW THE EFFIN' MIND?! Like if they were doing acrobatic stunts, I'd totally get it. I would look at those costumes and think, "Well, of course...wearing barely any clothes makes total sense when you're doing triple flips through the air. It's about aerodynamics!" Shouldn't we maybe stop relying so hard on the skimpy costumes as the main entertainment factor and focus a little bit more on "wowing" the crowd with...I don't know, actual talent? Because you gotta believe that these girls have it. They go through, like, 500 auditions to get on the team...they've gotta have more in their arsenal than just outstanding booty shaking skills, don't you think?
And what if...what if it's the key to winning? What if the cheerleaders started stepping up their game, and then the players were like, "WTF, those cheerleaders are showing us up!" (because that's how football players talk) and then they finally did something worth paying them millions of dollars for?
I know. The thought of the Vikings winning at anything is merely just a dream. But I guess, sometimes, that's what it's all about, here on An Amber-Colored Life. Dreaming. Changing the world... Dreaming of changing the world into a better place, for all people, even ones with names like "Mindy" who lists her abs as her best quality and cites "shopping" as her favorite hobby. Even those people.
Believe it.
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