The Medical Medium and his Celery Juice Cleanse

I live in LA, a city not known for its skepticism and critical thinking when it comes to health fads. And one of the biggest right now is the celery juice cleanse. Proponents state that stand-alone celery juice confers a myriad of health benefits and drinking it every morning has some mysterious cleansing powers different from that of any other green juice or vegetable.

And how do they know this?

The Medical Medium told them.

(If you don’t know who the Medical Medium is, all you really need to know about him can be found HERE.)

According to the Medical Medium—whose success a cynic might attribute to the fact that the privileged class in LA and New York City have entirely too much time on their hands—celery contains many different kinds of salt which have not yet been discovered by science. (The medical medium claims to get this knowledge in advance of medical science from spiritual visions.) These salts perform their (unidentified) magic best when they are consumed alone. (How does he know this? See answer above).

The premise of the Medical Medium is that you don’t need no stinkin’ degree to diagnose cancer, or anything else for that matter. The Medical Medium “sees” illness and can prescribe herbs, natural compounds and foods to combat just about any condition.

And people are eating this shit up.

So to all you people who follow the advice of the Medical Medium, I’d like you to imagine the following hypothetical situation:

I have a friend named Bruce who is an airplane pilot intuitive. He’s never had an aerospace education, never went to pilot school, never studied an instrument panel, and wouldn’t know a Delta Airbus 350 from a minivan. But Bruce has an extraordinary gift—he can mysteriously intuit exactly how to fly a plane safely. Seriously. He gets this knowledge from God who speaks to him in visions and dreams, and he believes that knowledge is unimpeachable and he can therefore navigate a flight and keep everyone safe.

Here’s the question:

Would you get on a flight with Bruce at the controls?

If your answer is “Hell no!” but you’re taking health advice from the Medical Medium, then you’re a hypocrite.

If your answer is “yes”, well, then at least you’re consistent.

But you’re an idiot.