Without Using Numbers, Tell Us How Old You Are

I was just going to add this to the bottom of today’s update, with three or four of my contributions to get the conversation going. Then I started having fun with it, and it’s taken over the whole freaking thing. In fact, I have a feeling I’ll continue to add stuff to my list even after I publish it. Obviously, it’s the Question of the Day: what Eric Alper (whoever he is) asks above. We’re not all the same age, so our answers will come from different eras, give or take. In any case, please use the comments section to bring us up to date on it. Here’s what I have so far:

HBO came on around 3 pm.
You didn’t know who was calling until you answered the phone.
Only old people drank coffee.
You had to hand crank your car windows down.
Pornography was hidden around town and shared. It takes a village.
Kids experienced sissy bar-envy.
You had one shot at seeing a TV show. If you missed it, you were screwed.
Toilets were never shown on television.
You had to call 344-5111 to get the correct time.
Kids went around ingesting three-foot-long plastic tubes of sugar and artificial coloring, and nobody thought twice about it.
Bologna sandwiches were routinely prepared and eaten.
You had to wait six to eight weeks for delivery.
According to TV shows, Chinese restaurants apparently served one thing: chop suey.
People put salt in their beer.
There was a mysterious “bridge” column in the newspaper.
Every grocery store had a giant display of plastic eggs which contained (inexplicably) ladies hosiery.
You had to take your soda bottles back to the store to collect a deposit.
Pull tabs on drink cans came all the way off and were scattered EVERYWHERE.
You had to buy TV Guide magazine to know what terrible shows were on.
Sometimes people would have to go up on the roof to adjust the antenna.
You mailed your film somewhere in a yellow envelope that came with the newspaper, and the developed photos would come back eventually. From somewhere.
People collected S&H Green Stamps, as well as Top Value Stamps. And there were redemption centers that felt like something out of the USSR.
Teachers would spank kids with big wooden paddles in front of the class.
People would “lay out” to get a tan and rub oils on their skin to accelerate the degradation.

More to come, I’m sure! I hope everybody is having a great holiday season. Our Christmas was shockingly pleasant. One of the best in recent memory, I’d say. And that was a relief. I’ve never gotten into New Year’s Eve, or any of that nonsense. So, it’s all in the rearview mirror for me. Whew! It’s a weight lifted. You could probably add “We actually enjoyed Christmas, and looked forward to it” to the list above. Right? Right. …It’s unfortunate but true.

I’ll be back on Monday. I know I owe you guys a full report on the Long John Silver’s Plankapalooza. I’ll do that next time, I promise. With a few photos, as well.  And I’ll have a new podcast episode on Monday too. I’m itching to get back to it.

Until then… please remember to continue using our Amazon links while doing your online shopping. December isn’t over yet!

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a fantastic weekend!

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