I Can’t Sleep

The life of a writer.

How can I sleep? How can I ever sleep?

I don’t deserve to sleep. She just signed with an agent. I saw the announcement on Twitter full of happy-face and heart emojis.

I don’t deserve to sleep. She just signed a new book deal and according to some of the comments, it’s in the six-figure range.

I’m on 80 rejections and counting. I can’t sleep.

Something’s not right. I did everything that article said to do. Wrote my query and made it personal. Built my brand and gained a following.

Post after post after post after post after post, now I’ve finally found my voice. Still nothing.

But that can’t be right. Are all these readers nothing? All these views and claps and comments and praise and criticism and hate from thousands of readers mean nothing?

How can I sleep?

There’s still a world of readers out there I haven’t touched. There’s still a world of readers out there that haven’t felt my work. Haven’t read a single word. Don’t even know I exist.

How can I possibly sleep?

When I don’t feel acknowledged. When I don’t feel heard. When I don’t feel special…enough.

The world owes me nothing. Words are my life. How can I sleep?

C R Y

I Can’t Sleep was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.